I wish businesses would decide to operate on my schedule. Who do I speak to to make this happen? My day has already been frustrating a little bit because I can't get the rest of the world to bend to my will.
I needed to take the dog to the groomer this morning...they won't work on my schedule, they require Copper be there by 8, whether I have tired head or not. So I drag myself out of bed at a positively unhealthy and ungodly 7 am. I'm a night person so that means I'm going to be cranky today. Because while more sensible people would go to bed at a reasonable hour, let's be honest, I'm not that girl. That's the privilege of my pretty, pretty, princess life. I get to set my own schedule. Usually. I also needed to get the oil changed. No problem, I say to myself, they're in the same parking lot as the vet. This will be cake. Not so much. They don't open until 8am and I was there at 7:45 watching them enjoy life, laugh, smoke ciggys, tell jokes and ignore me. UGH! They asked me to leave and come back in 15 minutes. I chose to come home and blog a bit instead. Oil still hasn't been changed so I have to go back.
SO this is how I would like to propose my day go when we have to do this dance again, but first let me introduce you to the cast of characters:(I've interspersed some of their real characteristics which you will notice disappear once we get into the ideal day...lest you get confused.)
Manny, Moe or Jack: Interchangeable tattooed up, chain smoking, can't be flirted into a discount, oil change persons from here on out to be referred to as "MMJ."
JenniferJessicaTiffanyHeatherWeHateHer: Ultra perky, cute, skinny, better hi-lights than me, vet tech who loves my doggies, takes evil delight in telling me what all is "due," shotwise that I was unaware of,
and adding an extra $100 to my bill, but is ambivalent about my night person-age. From here on out to be referred to as "JJTHWHH" Nah, let's go with just "WHH."
Skippy or Scooter or Chipper: Interchangeable imaginary grocery boy who is almost certainly of Greek descent and "Stamos-ish" and will insert himself into my day as needed to bring my groceries over to the vet/oil change place so I don't have to get out and trouble my pretty little head with such a trivial thing as groceries, which are already my sworn and mortal enemy. Groceries come with implied work. Except Little Debbie, who we love/hate...but I digress. We love "SSC."
SO, this is how things SHOULD work:
Me: ring, ring. (I'm calling to make an appointment. It would be absurd to expect them to read my mind and just "know" wouldn't it? I'm almost sure it would.)
WHH: Hello, Your Highness. We've been looking forward to your call. When would you like to bring in your sweet doggy at our expense? Can we book you a complimentary day at the day spa down the road? We'd love to treat you just for the privilege of doing business with you.
Me: Well, I'm a little sleepy so I'd like to roll in "around" 10am-ish but I'm going to be really lazy today and it will probably be 10 pm before I remember to pick up my precious angel doggy. I'd prefer to skip the spa. Too much touching (another story for another day.)Will you please come over and pick him up from me at the oil change place?
WHH: My pleasure!
Me: Kthanksbye!
WHH calls over to oil chage place.
WHH: Hey MMJ, Queen Donna will be rolling in there "around" 10-ish. Please be sure you've moved all of your other customers out and extinguished your cigarettes in advance so we don't have a repeat of the "asthma incident." Flash the light twice when she gets there and I'll personally skip on over and get precious Copper so she doesn't ever have to exit her vehicle. Please notify the other interchangeable ones that this is not an appropriate time for a break.
MMJ: You betcha! We live for visits from the Queen. I'll call up SSC and have him get the grocery list and run it on over when she gets here.
WHH: We're a well oiled machine! Thank you MMJ. Kthanksbye!
MMJ calls over to down the road grocery store.
MMJ: Hey, SSC. The Queen is going to bless us with a visit in the morning-ish. Will you check with her to see if there is anything they need over at Casa Lawson. Have it ready and bring it over "around" 10.
SCC: Sure thing, MMJ.
MMJ: Kthanksbye.
SSC send me a text that says:
"Your highness,it would be my pleasure to deliver whatever you need from my grocery store while you are having the oil changed. It would make my day if you would allow it to be our gift to you. No charge and we're going to set you up an a weekly Dr. Pepper home delivery service."
Me: Thanks!!
Now, I know this SEEMS to be a lot to ask, but I can dream, can't I? Isn't this what my congressperson is supposed to do for me? Let's make it happen!
*Crazy use of run-on "sentences" intentional.
Also, it should go without saying, but I'm putting MMJ ON NOTICE for not working me in before they opened. If I'm there and they are there, clock it in and let's get it done. Just saying.
I've included a gratuitous picture of Copper who is an actual maniacle-evil genius dog, but is also too cute for color tv! Also, yes, he did drag his blue bed onto the top of Teddy, the giant Beagle dog's bed claiming ownership of both. Seriously. What a diva!
