Spiritual Abuse Nonsense

"In the past, I've never looked at you as your weight. But from now on, when I look at you, your weight is all I will see." 

Woah! Shocking? Sticks and stones may break my bones but those words still sometimes haunt me. And that was a bit ago. Spiritual abuse is the topic today. And we are overcoming it!

So, let's talk about Spiritual Abuse. And let's try to do it in a godly way. Because it is real, it is devastating and it is evil. And scripture has a lot to say, And so do I. Because I am a victim and also a survivor. I pray to God I've never been a perpetrator. Let's also examine what is NOT abuse. And it will be a rough read and raw. I'm going to tell you about some real events. It won't be pretty. But hang on. Jesus always  holds us in His hand. Always.

Victim is not a word I would ever use to describe myself, as a rule. I am a survivor and an over comer. I am sassy and fierce and a rock! I have walked through hell and back and if you remember, I Don't Even Want To Smell Of Smoke. I do not sit around and wallow, for the most part. I don't ask anyone to feel sorry for me, which is good because I am not a person that people care to worry about too much. (Too sassy maybe? Too blunt, plainspoken? Yup. I get it, No shade throwing here. I can clearly take care of myself.) If I have a pity party, I am party of one in general. I am a "pick myself up by my bootstraps and man up" kind of girl. I am strong, I am invincible, I am...well you get it. Yet I  spent a few years, trying to get over some of the most hurtful things I've ever experienced in my life. I'm hoping to help you if you've been there. And if maybe you see yourself in the evil parts of this, it's not over for you. There is always forgiveness. And I'm still a work in progress. But I have forgiven. I have been forgiven. And I have found peace. 

Let's wade in easy and start with criticism,  Criticism isn't always abuse.  And it can even be well meaning,  It doesn't always come from an evil person who intends harm. I think. I mean, don't we all know how to fix other people? The log in "their" eye is so obvious! Let's help "them!" Hurt feelings be damned! (To hell ya'll. I'm not a potty mouth. Don't write to my <redacted> and tell <redacted> I've converted to crass language. <Redacted> tried to help me think of a better word. Disregarded? Danged? Ignored? None really make the point. I'm leaving the word in and your objection has been noted and reported to management.) I want to start this thing off with this example from my own life because I still find it downright funny. A pastor's wife needed to meet with me, come along side me, if you will. She was not rude or condescending. Just to the point. Her concern? My weight. She wouldn't admit that it was a problem for her. Her issue, she said, was that it didn't seem to be a problem for me. I carried myself like a " regular" size person. I seemed to like myself. As the Women's Bible Study Teacher and Youth High School Girl's Teacher, I was clearly sending an ungodly message, as a leader (bless my heart) that God was OK with being overweight. Um...no. That is not the message I was trying to send. The message I was trying to live out was that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am a daughter of the King, made in  the image of GOD ALMIGHTY,  and I am also one who is struggling but will not walk with my head down in shame. WHAT? My God is not a Good of shame. Scripture says: 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I KNOW THAT FULL WELL." Psalm 139:14. 

"Then God said, 'Let Us make man in our own image, in our likeness...'" "So God created Mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and FEMALE He created them." Genesis 1: 26-27 

These verses tell me who I am. No person gets to do that. But I also don't pretend a weight problem is not a problem and can even be sin. (This will be a theme as we go on.) And this woman didn't hurt my feelings. And to be sure, I addressed it in class lest anyone be led astray by my great hair (boy, do I miss it) and esteem. It led to a great discussion and no one was confused as to whether I was pleased with my weight. And we discussed the logs in our eyes. After all, scripture doesn't say not to judge, just be sure you're not guilty too. And this well put together woman had no log in her eye and her intent was honest, I think. This was not abuse. It was not mean. It was not bullying. I didn't enjoy it. So what? We don't have to get our drawers in a twst if there's no need. Try to get the "constructive" out and move on. 

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others. you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7: 1-2

I struggle with my weight. It's a life long struggle. I struggled with it before I even had anything to struggle with because it was my identity in my family. My sister was the "skinny one" so I was the "fat one" even though I wasn't really fat at all. "You're just chubby, honey," well, at least as far as any adult in my family was concerned. And they were very verbal my whole life so it is a hard shell I have there. I developed it early and it is hard to break through to cause harm. I have a mirror and I buy my clothes. I do not live in denial. I also have a doctor who keeps my feet on the ground and is not playing with me or my health. I also feel sure God wants us to have healthy bodies. Scripture doesn't really address weight loss. Probably because very few people had the privilege of "fat" back in that day. But about "fit," we have some direction.

 "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of The Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a HIGH price. So you must honor God with your body." I Corinthians 6: 19-20.

"Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship." Romans 12:1

I'm including this so you don't think I'm ignorant to the scripture. I don't pick and choose what I like. I am NOT saying it's good, or OK to be overweight. It's also not OK to pick on or make fun of people with that struggle any more than it is OK to do the same to anyone with any other struggle, or sin. God is not mean. He does not tell us to be mean. 

Here is a real life example of mean. And make no mistake, it's also abusive. I have a friend who is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He has personally invested in my family. He invests in the lives of others much more than his own. If there is any need, I mean ANY NEED, this man will help you out. No questions asked. He loves the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind and has dedicated his life to sharing that every way he can. EVERY WAY! He works in ministry. If you know him, you do not see his weight. It's likely you see all of those things I just mentioned and more. And I've also witnessed him being the butt of his boss's fat jokes. I've witnessed his boss belittling him and preaching publicly against his weight and his habits! I witnessed the boss going to an event held by my friend and doing pull ups on the beams from the ceiling while making fun of the fact that my friend probably couldn't do it. Who was his boss? His PASTOR! What does scripture say? A LOT! A small sampling:

"Toward the scorners He is scornful, but to the humble He gives favor." Proverbs 3:34

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such that is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29. 
That does not mean build up your muscles doing pull ups at the church pot luck y'all! It means to build up, lift up, encourage the BODY, our BROTHERS AND SISTERS. This is so abusive. It is tearing down. Suddenly people may begin to see you as your weakness and not your strength. Remember, this pastor, as well as you, are fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image! If this is a practice you see in your life or the life of someone you know, put a stop to it. Do not stand for it. Do not just walk out in disgust (as I did.) Go to your brother and show him his fault. Don't allow it to continue. It may take time, but a true person of God will appreciate you showing him or her their error. Be prepared to be disliked if necessary. Take a stand. And don't be afraid to apologize to your friend if you didn't do what was needed, even if it's 9 years later. 

In the Church the only sin we love to cast stones at more than the ones we aren't committing, are ones we've overcome. Addiction, abortion, weight issues and adultery, among others. No one is harder on a person who is overweight than a person who WAS overweight 5 minutes ago. And we can be MEAN about it while sounding like we're trying to help. ("Oh Honey, you have the most beautiful face, but I'm worried about your health. Have you tried {insert health/ diet supplement/ diet book/ celebrity diet popular at the moment here}?  I was HUGE, like you, until I discovered it! God used it to help me overcome my ungodly ways. It will save your life and you'll be as pretty as your face. You'll never need to eat again!") Ugh! 

("Donna, your weight talk is making me uncomfortable," you are likely saying by now. Don't worry. It's going to get worse then better. Well that's the intent. I'm not finished writing yet. So keep reading. Unless "fat" is a trigger for you. In that case, hit the X and go with God.)
So let's get to the ugly. Real ugly. Evil ugly. Then let's talk about the solutions. Because why point out a problem if you don't point out solutions.

"In the past, I've never looked at you as your weight. But from now on, when I look at you, your weight is all I will see." 

We, a group of 5 were together in a room. Four of us had made the other one, my boss, very unhappy and we were apologizing. Sincerely. Even though we had done nothing wrong but be misunderstood. Still, I had asked them to join me in apologizing because we had inadvertently hurt his feeling and I felt apology was the right thing to do. But he was mad. Very mad. Hulking out, scary, might rip my face off and wear my skin as a mask, mad. In all of my years in Church and in Ministry, I've never witnessed this. Usually, people apologize sincerely and the offended forgive. Not this day, not this man. Not my boss, who was also my pastor. This man could not control himself. And for me, it was terrifying My friend Kristine was one of those there that evening and she wrote about this incident twice. Once here: Glimpse of Being Fat and once here: Too Fat and Back- a glimpse of my journey of acceptance and healing. She's a gifted writer and I urge you to read it. 

I had been working as a volunteer Women''s Ministry Director on staff at a small church. And it had been very hard. I had been pushed as low as I could go. That had never happened before. I am generally not treated poorly. People are generally kind or at least nice to my face. I am not bullied or put down...to my face. I am also not a person who accepts abuse. I never understood those who stayed in abuse. I always thought I certainly wouldn't put up with it. Not for a minute. Until I did. Impossible demands? No problem, I'll meet them. Lots of yelling at me then apology and asking forgiveness? I forgive.  I would quit my "job"and then change my mind. Seeds of discord were planted behind my back and I was made to apologize to anyone who didn't like my decisions. Then I had to try to make them happy. No problem, it costs me nothing to apologize and it keeps the peace, was my thinking. Making sure that I knew I had no voice with the church leadership because he was their leader happened often. Forced to try to please every single person? Yup. He acted like we were friends one minute and enemies the next. So confusing. Such a whiplash of confusing emotions. If someone gossiped, there was "gossip in the Women's Ministry" and all of leadership was alerted to my failure before I was.  Was I blameless? I honestly have no idea so I can't claim to be blameless. My personality was certainly shut down. I could barely hold my head up and sometimes could barely get out of bed. There were days I cried all day. I felt I was disappointing God. Why didn't I just leave? I really felt God had put me there and I was hoping to be used of Him for however long I could endure. I was mostly alone. My one friend that I had left at the church was driven out. I was afraid to talk to anyone, even those who had been my friends long before any of us joined this church. Most people were afraid to speak to me. So I held on too tight. I didn't let anyone in. I appeared rigid, unfriendly, unapproachable and disapproving. I held my head too high. I shut down my listener. I autopiloted my way through. That was all  ongoing for a couple of years before the meeting above. After that, this man and I did have a Matthew 18:15 meeting. (Look it up) I was physically afraid but scripture says go tell him his fault and I did. I cried the snotty, ugly cry through the whole thing but I got through it. And it made him feel powerful because everyone knows I don't cry in public so I had no power there. But still,  I hoped it was getting better. The first change I noticed was not good. He began calling me "Miss Donna." (I'm older than him by 3 years, I think) Soon, everyone was calling me "Miss Donna" and I felt old and useless. So,  it was not going to get better. And it didn't. I stayed for another year, believe it or not, and then I resigned and not a day too soon. In months the walls of everything came crumbling down around the man. At least that's what I thought had happened. But sometimes, evil is allowed to flourish. I did not remain silent. But I also didn't tell anyone else's story. I only told my story to those who asked. No one cared, really. People called, but most didn't care what happened to me. They wanted gossip. So where is the good in all of that? Well, there is no good in all of that. Scripture says: 

"And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I loved God and was called. But there is one thing it doesn't say. It doesn't say "all things work together for good RIGHT NOW." I prayed and I waited. And I hurt. I couldn't walk in a church without fleeing and having an anxiety attack. No pastor would I trust. I was raw. And my Church family was hurting too, over different things. They couldn't be there for me even had they wanted to. We all sat and licked our wounds in separate corners. It was worse for them because the confusion continued for them. Tragic. Inexcusable. Yet still, forgivable. 

Why did I tell you all of that in such detail? First, God "sends" me so many people who have similar stories. I want you to know you aren't alone. I sat in a lecture recently on kinds of abuse and part of the lecture was on Spiritual Abuse. Yet, it was brushed right over and most knew nothing about it. So I can help there. I know. And with knowledge comes responsibility. And I want you to know there is healing. I want you to know that neither God nor his Word ever changes. When He says He will never leave you or forsake you, you can be sure of it, even if you can't imagine it or feel it in the moment. God has chosen to use people to do His work here on Earth and as it turns out, we are a mess! None of us is perfect. Not a single one. And God desires to have a personal relationship even with those who struggle with doing the right thing. Because there is forgiveness for everyone. And as I remind myself of that, I want to remind you of that too. No matter which end of those stories you may relate to.
"If we confess our sin He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 1 Chronicles 7:14. 

"Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sin is proclaimed to you." Acts 13:38

Second, there is power in bringing things to light. It's therapeutic. It's healing and it's also important not to sit by and allow evil to prevail. If you have a story, tell it. But tell the whole story. Not just the bad parts or just the good parts. Scripture says that what is done in the dark will come to the light. I pray that I am a light and that I am transparent. I don't claim perfection.

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." Luke 8:17. 

"For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." Mark 4:22

(These are both the same story. It's important enough to be listed in two of the Gospels. Don't put your light under the bed y'all!)

Third, I want you to see the pattern of abuse. It's not special. I wasn't special. It's as old as time. It's textbook. But I couldn't see it from the bottom of my pit at the time. If it resonates with something inside you, I beg you to do something about it. Reach out to me. I will help you get help. I know people. They can help. Because you should know, you probably weren't the first. I wasn't. I was pretty far down a list.. I pray that he has gotten some good help. I pray there has been repentance and restoration of relationships. I pray that the cycle ended. As you can see, I pray for this person. First, because scripture says to, second, because it's healing for me and lastly, there is a long history in scripture of imprecatory prayer that turned into real, honest forgiveness. Here are a few books that can help you in identifying and overcoming Spiritual Abuse. They were helpful to me. They aren't theology books, but still good reads.

And the final thoughts are these. I have not been left nor forsaken by my God, not even in the darkest of days. I have found ways to continue doing what God has called me to do. In places and ways I never even imagined or dreamed. I am able to understand the abused in ways I could not before. Walking in someone's shoes is not imperative for understanding, but it does not hurt at all and it sure helps to have empathy. And we have been able to go to a church service without fear, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks or running out. Because I am loved. I am precious to God. He has sent people into my life in surprising ways to minister to me. This was new for me. I'm used to being the one people go to. He has shown himself faithful. I am still in the struggle with my weight. We are not friends. I turned 50 recently and it really helped me focus on what is important. Christ and Him crucified. That's what I want to be my focus from now on. I want to hear well done. I don't want to even smell of smoke!

I'm going to give the last words to Kristine, taken from her blog. Because it's beautiful.
"Dear friends, I know I probably have offended some of you by this post.  I am very sorry that was not my intention, at all.  However, I felt very strongly that this needed to be said.  If you are one who is in my shoes, who feels unlovable because of the way you look or how you have performed know that you are loved.    Please know that God's love for you is not dependent upon anything you do, on how well you talk, or what you look like.  God's love is not based on anything you can do or be.  God loves you because you are His creation.  God loves you inexplicably and completely.  I will be praying that you will feel His love tonight. -Kristine

Donna Took Up Drinking? Nonsense!

I'm going to start this post with a warning: Some of you will be horrified at me after you read this saga. You will be so disturbed by the ways I treated your best friend that you won't be able to think of me the same way again. It's OK. I understand. It's not personal. However, because of the potential entertainment value, I decided to share with you the "inspired by true events" story of Donna vs Red Wine. That's right. For a whole five days, this Southern Baptist born and bred girl...took up drinking, came very close to breaking a good man, and offended everyone who knew about it. For different reasons than you might think.

I don't drink. I never have (more than a yukky sip or a delicious cruise ship hot chocolate-y thing) and I probably never will. I'm not a prude, nor is it really much of a religious issue. Because I often write on matters of faith here, I want to be clear on where I stand. No where in scripture does it say that drinking alcohol is forbidden. That water that Jesus turned into wine at the wedding in Cana was real wine. Not good Southern Baptist Welch's Grape Juice as many of us were taught. (I know...I was shocked too!) The Bible says not to be drunk and in scripture bad things happened to those who were drunk, starting with Noah in Genesis 9:20-23. If you're unfamiliar, look it up. As a good southern woman, I shy away from being shamed when I can, and Noah had a shaming that no good southerner could come back from! Lucky for Noah, he wasn't from below the Mason-Dixon Line. I'm just saying, y'all!

 I happen to have three very good reasons for not being a tippler. 1) Growing up, I watched it consume an uncle I loved, and I watched him destroy his life and the lives of anyone who was close to him, and often that included me. The man behind the drink was amazing when he wasn't drinking. His "habit" took his life  when he was much to young. Because this tendency already runs in my family, it has always seemed wise to abstain. 2) I think it could be confusing to some if I were seen publicly drinking because I've always been a non drinker. Starting when I was very outspoken about underage drinking in my "East  Texas dry county, nothing to do, underage high school days," a minority for sure, and also in my University of Texas days where every day was a party for almost everyone and being a Christian non drinker is NOT cool. I was cool with being not cool. I AM a Christian and people associate my faith and non imbibing with me. Scripture tells me not to cause anyone to stumble. This is MY thing, doesn't have to be yours. It's easy for me to avoid that because.....3) I can't stand the smell, the taste, or the fumes of alcoholic drinks. Even the hot chocolate-y things would have tasted better without alcohol, I thought. I've never tasted beer, but based on it's appearance I'm pretty sure it tastes like pee. If that's your bag, hey, I'm not judging. I just don't get it.

Now to get on with it. A few years ago I was struggling with terrible insomnia. Worse than usual. Mr. Perfect, who has a co-starring role in this story, had told me for years that a little wine would help me sleep. One evening I saw yet another news story about how a glass of red wine every day was good for your heart. As a woman who is fighting the battle of the bulge, er bulges, I realized that it might be good for my heart and my sleep if I took up the habit. The queen needs her beauty sleep, y'all! I can't be looking all "rode hard and put up wet!" A lack of sleep makes you ugly.  I am NOT going to "go gentle into that great goodnight." I'm fighting it with all my Southern spunk! I knew I didn't care for the taste of red wine because I didn't care for the smell but surely I could stand 5 ounces once a day. Surely. So, temporarily tossing reason number two aside, I looked to Facebook for advice. I have a lot of those wine aficionado friends so I asked them for a recommendation. They were all happy to oblige and a little surprised this teetotaler was taking up spirits. I got a lot of recommendations. I also got about seven (secret) messages from friends who are also nondrinkers asking me to let them know (secretly) if I found a wine I could tolerate. I had started a secret society! What followed broke the heart of my man and left him in a heap on the floor, lost me a few friends AND denied me a sweet gig as the "Worthy High Princess of the Secret Southern Baptist Wine Drinkers Society." (I made that up.)

Day 1: Perfect had stopped and picked up a highly recommended bottle of red. After dinner, I went and got a measuring cup and measured out 5 ounces, which I had read was the heart healthy "dose." My hopes were high that I would instantly be healthier and probably drop 50 pounds from my healthy lifestyle change that very night. I took one sip and gagged!!! That is some nasty stuff. I held my nose, and drank the rest even though it took me about 30 minutes, whining and saying "stuff" the whole time. I believe my status on Facebook for my friends said something about it tasting like "mold filtered through dirty miner's socks." How do people drink this on purpose? I was obviously not born to be sophisticated or classy. I thought I could at least fake classy. Nope. Not so much. Perfect was encouraging. It will get easier, he said. You did great (cough lie cough.) My Facebook cheerleaders were encouraging and gave me new recommendations. I concocted a plan for day 2.

Day 2: Perfect had picked up a new bottle of recommended wine because I had clearly rejected bottle one. I had decided that the problem was clearly the glass. I had just used an old plastic cup day one. So I got a glass wine glass for day two. Aren't I smart? Nope. Still tasted worse than anything I've ever had! So, much like day 1, I held my nose, whined, griped, said "stuff" complained and yelled for about 30 minutes until it was done. Perfect was probably wondering how this was helping my health since I was clearly raising my blood pressure. I was hoping it was good for that too. My Facebook friends were concerned that I still wasn't converted after day 2. I had written something like "swine swill fit for zombie mean girls that you hate." I formulated a solution for day 3.

Day 3: New bottle. Recommendation, etc. Y'all are catching on. No problem, I've got the perfect fix for day 3. I need it to be cold and numb my tongue so I poured it over ice. Perfect's face went red. He said some stuff about "how dare I?" He couldn't participate in this and left the room. So, hopeful but alone, I took a sip. OH MY NO!!! Ack, gag, gross! So nasty. Not better. I held my nose, yelled, stomped around and told that glass just what I thought about it for the next 30 minutes! My Facebook post that night said something about "If we took space aliens who were out to destroy us as POWs they still wouldn't deserve this worse than paint thinner junk" ....or something like that. I was un-friended by two of my besties who could hear no more. New idea for day 4, but I was losing hope.

Day 4: Perfect refused to buy me a new bottle. Something about a "waste of good wine" and he was "going to have to handle all my wasted bottles himself" and I'm pretty sure he accused me of driving him to drink. So....glass glass. 5 ounces of red nasty. What it needed was some sweetness. So I added sugar lots of it. About equal parts sugar and wine. Perfect LOST it, y'all. He was stomping, yelling, pretty sure he called me undeserving and wasteful! He told me the "wine" didn't deserve me. Whatever! I was about to have some delicious SWEET red wine. Then...DEAR SWEET GRANNY up in Heaven who told me not to take up drinking lest I come to ruin, you were right!!!!!! That was nasty! Not better!!! So yell, stomp, hold nose, 30 minutes, etc. Blood pressure rising, man losing his grip on the will to live. I believe my Facebook post that night was something like: "A spoonful of sugar does not help the wine go down." Also, I'm pretty sure I took to calling the wine some personal names and for that I'm truly sorry. I mean, I never met Mama Grape and I shouldn't have called her ugly. That was my bad. 4 more Facebook friends "disappeared."

Day 5: I got this now. I just need a combo deal. So I grabbed the measuring cup and measured out my 5 ounces of old wine because Perfect still refused to purchase new wine. Poured it in a glass. While Perfect was at this point probably consulting an attorney about having me put away, he was equally curious about what was left for me to do. And he was nervous. Very nervous. He said something about how he couldn't stand to watch it. So...I took my glass of wine, reached for the sugar, stirred in less than the night before. Perfect blew the top of his head right off, y'all! Not to be deterred, I went over to the fridge, added ice to my concoction and... "Perfect, Perfect!! Are you OK?? Wake up! Honey, are you in there? Should I dial 911? Help!" He was in a heap on the floor, twitching like he had been shocked. Eventually I got him back but that was a close one! He almost missed my "nose holding, stomping, 30 minutes, etc ritual." My Facebook post that night said something about "How neither ice nor sugar were still my friend" and that the next night I would be mixing in delicious iced Dr. Pepper." Also, I'm pretty sure I said something rather judgy and not very Christian to all my wine drinking friends about their taste level being lacking. Again, that was my bad. I meant to say OTHER wine drinkers that I didn't know. 7 less friends. Oops.

Day 6. I have a plan. Um, where's the wine? Perfect, barely recovered from the previous evening, sat me down for a talk. An "intervention" if you will. He said he didn't like me when I drank. That we couldn't afford my habit and if I didn't stop, he was pretty sure I was going to die. He didn't say the words exactly, but I distinctly get the feeling he meant he might have a hand in my passing. He said I had to give it up for the sake of our marriage and he couldn't keep "cleaning up" my leftovers. He pointed out that I was obnoxious to my friends and they too were concerned. So, I've given up my drinking habit for the good of my family and my Facebook friend count. I now get fired on Facebook for entirely other reasons. It's been several years now and I think I've been forgiven. I told a friend this story the other day and I had another genius solution. I told her I should get a box of wine, freeze it and then just cut off a chunk every night. I just invented WINESICLES!!!! Let's see if Perfect goes for it. I'm not real hopeful.

Well, I think that's what occurred. I may have embellished a bit. The memory is fuzzy. That's what happens after 5 straight days of drinking...5 ounces a day. It gets you in trouble. So I'm back to delicious Dr. Pepper on the rocks. To those of you who went through this with me and still love me, I thank you. It was a hard period for all of us but we made it through.

Decided Not To "Duck The Issue"... Fire Away!

I woke up with the need to poke the bull today. Apparently I have no sense. I thought I wasn't going to wade in but I was wrong. Ha! If you aren't aware of the controversy, stop here and click the link way down below...then come back.

I am a fan of the show "Duck Dynasty." Before it came out, people who knew the Robertsons were all over the media talking about how embarrassed they were about how the area they lived in was going to be portrayed by the show and how mortifying the family is with those awful beards! Those same people have changed their tunes and most are probably getting DVD sets of the show for Christmas. I grew up not too far from where the duck people live. They feel like family to me. Though we are in different states, the culture is very similar, especially to the Southeast Texas culture in which I was raised. Rednecks are apparently a confusing people. We can love you and disagree with you. We value faith and family yet church better not run into the Cowboy game or the Christians will leave. Literally. Church will either be empty the opening morning of deer season or filled with camo clad worshipers on break between stand times but who still love Jesus. Rednecks like to shoot whatever is available with whatever is available. Shotgun, rifle, bow and arrow, whatever! They also love to fish. It's a little different, I get that. I also love it. So I'm not completely unbiased here. I know a lot of Phil Robertson types and I love every one. But I also love a lot of people I disagree with on these issues that have been presented by Phil and sometimes struggle to be who I am without compromise, yet never hurt another soul on purpose. It's a delicate balance even for me and I'm not a public person. I can't imagine if I was constantly on the record! Oh the horror! Some of my most interesting conversations have come from people on the other side of this particular issue from me. Respectful conversations where both sides seek to understand. We all want to be understood.

 Here's how I see the whole Phil Robertson/ A&E controversy. I see it so very differently than most everyone else, of course. I like to be different whenever the opportunity presents itself. So let me start with:

1) Phil Robertson is a man of the Word and refuses to compromise his values or mind his tongue if he feels it compromises his morals. I know this isn't the first time he's said these things. We've all seen the videos circulate, as have the good people at A&E, who haven't said a word up until now, and the good people at GQ who knew what they were getting too. This is just the first time he said them to a mainstream reporter with an agenda who was licking his chops. Phil reminds me a lot of my daddy who was less preachy but certainly not too worried about what you thought of him. "What other people think of me is none of my business." If the whole world turned on him, his inclination would be to go hunting too. Actually, he probably wouldn't ever know. It's the culture in that area of the world. Phil is from my parents generation and they say what they mean and mean what they say. He has never pretended for a minute to be anything other than what he is...a sinner saved by grace and hoping for the salvation of everyone else but also a redneck man from the backwoods of Louisiana. From everything he has ever said, he hates no one. He grew up poor and has what most would consider to be a scandalous past himself. He is grateful that Jesus saved him from his own sinful ways and desires that for everyone. That is the ONLY reason he agreed to do the show in the first place. But for me, that really doesn't play much into the situation here.

2) A&E is a known entity with a particular audience. Willie is sharp. The Robertson's knew what they were getting into with A&E. They signed a deal with the devil. (It's a saying, y'all! I'm not saying that they are the actual devil! Y'all get it, right?)  A few years ago, if you accidentally clicked on it after abut 10 pm, you learned that the "Arts" part of their name really meant "Porn." They were a liberal network with a liberal audience until "Duck Dynasty" came their way and gave them an unexpected surprise hit with a large conservative and evangelical audience for the show. That large conservative and evangelical audience only watches one show on their roster. The show has never been a good fit with their real audience, but the money flows and so A&E had choices to make. They chose the beards and all that came with them and somehow it's worked. They've chosen to look the other way for a long time now.

3) GQ is also a known entity with a known audience, and if Phil didn't know that, he would be stupid. He is not stupid. This reporter has a definite spin they should have expected. Phil knew who he was talking to and knew the potential consequences but he is a redneck Christians and didn't (probably still doesn't) care about the sure to come consequences. GQ knows the way the winds are blowing these days and what a perfect time to hoist the sails and build business on controversy. Here is the article. I would normally never post anything that uses this sort of language, but the spin here is clear and you can read what all of the hub-bub is about here:
Phil Robertson's GQ Article
Phil gave the interview and they edited it how they see fit. That's how it works, folks.

4) I'm pretty sure I read at the beginning of last season that it would be Phil's last by Phil's choosing. He doesn't enjoy it and just wants to hunt. So all the bluster about suspending his seems to be manufactured to appease their audience. It wasn't intended to offend the audience of Duck Dynasty. I suspect that was a surprise. A&E probably doesn't know there are BUNCHES of rednecks just like the Robertsons and they probably didn't take into account that people of Robertson's faith would revolt. Their headquarters are in New York City and most people there don't understand a whit about a backwoods redneck...except my one Texas friend who lives there...love you.

Conclusion:

1) Phil Robertson had the right to say what he said and so he said it...knowing the deal with the devil they had signed with A&E. He flat out said what he felt he had to say and doesn't care what we think. He is a conservative Christian, and he felt compelled to use the platform given to him by GQ to say what he needed to say. He was allowed to say it. He said it as a private person as was his right. They have stated all along that A&E made no contractual "behavior" requirements of them so he didn't break any contracts by speaking.

5) A&E has the right to act as they wish. They are not the government. They are not stomping on his constitutional rights, nor did GQ. No one shut up Phil Robertson.

7) GLAAD and anyone else had the right to not like and it and make a stink. This is America.

8) I am an American and I have the right to respond as I see fit. My rights are still intact too. I have the right to agree or disagree. I can yell my head off on Facebook. I have the right to go onto this forum and write anything I want. I can choose not to watch the network, the show or anything else. No one has shut me up either. Many have tried and failed...but that's not relevant to this post.

9) I see all of this as OK. All of it. It seems to me that everyone has acted within their rights. That's what I love about my country. Yes, Christians feel like the world would like them to just shut up these days. But we don't have to. Because we are still protected. Many feel those rights are being eroded but as of today...for this controversy...everyone was protected. Let's be honest here, a lot of Christians would like to shut up people that espouse values they believe to be wrong or sinful. But that isn't going to happen either. I may disagree with those who differ from me, but I cherish our right to disagree. I love America. This too, shall pass.

Now to the real issue I have here, the flip floppers! You all are ON NOTICE. You can't be embarrassed by the beards one minute and then call them family the next.

Oh wait, you can. That's how we roll down here. My bad.

I think it's time to get back to the REAL issue at hand...the Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays Infringement of 2013. I find it ridiculous to ban the actual people/ employees selling Christmas trees and Christmas ornaments from saying "Merry Christmas" yet I have never been offended by a PERSON telling me "Happy Holidays." They are wishing me well. I get it. I wish it were your choice of what you say or don't say. But anytime someone is kind to me, I love it. Because sometimes....

OK, Fire away! I'd love to hear your thoughts. Really.

The Queen's "Florida Evans" Moment.

Woke up and remembered our toilet paper free status here at Casa Lawson (oops) and had to find alternatives. (Don't ask.) Realized my ankle still hurts and I will be limping today. No, it's not sprained, long story. Stayed in bed whining to myself as long as possible. Then I remembered a phone call I was supposed to return yesterday and work I had to do. (Oops.) Worked on that for a long time when Mr. Perfect explains to me that due to traffic issues I should have left 15 minutes ago for a visit on the other side of Dallas. I am still mostly pajamed. (Oops.) So I run to get ready. NO BLOW-DRYER. Ashley took it somewhere upstairs. Errrrbody knows upstairs is the same as dead to us. I will be au natural today. (oops, sorry Public.) Had to go only 50 miles. Gave myself an hour and a half. Rush hour! (Oops.) GPS routed me around 4 accidents. (Thank you.) But it was a mess. It seriously took me off of the highway and onto the tollway, just to tell me to take the first exit and go back and get on the highway right where I exited. It took me 3 hours to go those 50 miles. When I was almost there, it felt like the shocks went completely out and I was bumping up and down, up and down, up and down hard! I about gave myself a black eye with my bouncy parts! Low rider at it's finest. Finally made the round trip, no issues with the shocks on the way home. . Discovered Perfect and Ashley had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory without me (RUDE!) So I stopped to grab a sandwich and as soon as I limped in the bleach smell hit me & my sad lungs (they were cleaning up to close.) So they took my order and me and my sad lungs waited in the car and they delivered it out to me. Then I limped into the house and went into the bathroom only to discover...NO TOILET PAPER!!!!! Then my angel baby of a daughter tweeted my words making it sound as though I had planned to burgle the Jungle Burger and take their toilet paper. And this my friends is when I had a full blown "FLORIDA EVANS" moment. (A few of you will get that.) DAY SAVED!!! They brought me cheesecake. I will live to rant another day. 

Scripture Shaming Nonsense

Christians. we've all been there. We've somehow found ourselves on the wrong side of Sister Bertha Better Than You or Brother Buster Better Sinner. Sometimes it's because you have offended one of them and sometimes because they don't like you. But rest assured, if you have not yet been a victim of this phenomenon, it's coming. "What is it," you ask?

SCRIPTURE SHAMING!!

This is the act of tossing out a scripture as though it were a grenade and hoping for some damage, or aiming it at the heart of one shameful sinner as though you were a sharp shooter. This newly connected world we live in makes it so much easier. In ye olden days, the shamer would have to come to you house and yell it at your door from the yard or go to the trouble to write it down and waste a stamp.

The best scripture shamers I've encountered are preachers. They can be the best and most skilled but certainly they are not the only scripture shamers. I had one whose sermon every week was personalized to some shameful sinner in the congregation. I had to march out in anger more times than I can count. I was always tempted to grab my Moses robe and beard and march down the aisle singing "let my people go..." But it's HARD to come back from a Masterful Moses Shaming, so I have not yet done it. Plus, I'm pretty sure that sort of behavior makes Jesus cry. Or at least consider it. Because Scripture doesn't say don't be angry. It says "in your anger, do not sin." (Ephesians 4:26) Pretty sure that would be sin. Almost positive.

So that leads me to social media. When you toss a scripture out generally, that YOU KNOW that SOMEONE ELSE WILL KNOW is aimed at their specific thing that is going on in their life, it is wrong. It's wrong enough when you do it face to face. But these days we like to go on our social media sites and throw them there. All of our friends will know we are very holy and love the Word, but the three or four we just hit with a grenade will be hurt. God doesn't want us to use His word to purposefully hurt one another. To convict, yes. But if you want to convict someone, that's not your job. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict. (John 16:8.) 

Rightfully used, the Word of God is a weapon all right, and many times (if not most) the Holy Spirit will use it to convict us of our sin. But it's not a grenade to be carelessly tossed to leave shrapnel and destruction everywhere. "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12. It is all you need and a sword is not a weapon of mass destruction  it is a weapon for close up work. 

I am a believer. If you are my brother or sister and you see me in sin, it is your job to help me see my error. "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted." Galatians 6:1. Just remember, I am much less likely to listen to you if you shoot me in a drive-by or blow me up.

For the record, this post is not written to shame any scripture shamer, thereby making for a double shaming. That would be shameful. It's just a thing I've noticed on Twitter, Facebook and the like and today, I just had a chance to sit down and address it. To shame a shamer by shaming would be utter nonsense and I don't participate. I'm the Queen after all. I know better. If you feel led to post scripture on your personal page because it spoke to you and you think it would do so to others, please post it! Every time. But be sure your intentions are right.

LOVEY'ALLMEANIT! 

Avoiding Social Media Nonsense

Ten year old Donna could never have even imagined the world we live in today. Such innocent times I grew up in. I grew up with no car seat, often nekkid in a creek, running a Girl Scout Cookie Mafia, going to church, visiting family and their churches, swimming, catching my own bait and fishing, living on a dirt road "exploring," talking, riding bikes, being tortured by my little sister, conspiring against her with my cousin, talking, singing, singing in any church I could, digging holes and getting in trouble for it. (Turns out, adults don't appreciate a proper hole in their roads...something about shocks and u-joints or something.)We spent our weekends at the deer camp (usually with family) where the children had to be "outside" regardless of the temperature or weather patterns, on a deer stand or at the rifle range. It was a time before many of the conveniences and technologies of today. I was just myself because I didn't know I could be anyone else, nor could I have even begun to imagine how one would do that or why? What you saw was what you got. Not a single person on this planet (except for my Grannies and my Pawpaw) hung on my every word and no one asked to see a picture of what my Mama cooked up for supper. (At our house we had supper, not dinner. That was for high fa-looting city people.) People in my very small world knew the real me. My likes, my dislikes, my faith and how I wore my hair every day. They knew that I was never still and that I was a talker. When I got a new toy, I told everyone I knew and they knew what it looked like because they had one too. If I was excited, I was excited!!! Everywhere!

 I grew up in a time where my Daddy's policy was "What everyone else thinks about me is none of my business." He was always himself. Always. Everywhere. All day. Every day. While I didn't go to work with him, I was often surrounded and loved by those he worked with. I heard their stories. Don't like him? He didn't care. He was a hard working, well respected and honorable man. His word was good and his handshake was as good as his word. For reals. He was always the same person. The light he shined was "man's man." No shadows.

Fast forward a few...lot...of years. We now live in a world where you can be anything you want to be. Maybe not in real life, but in the online world you can create an image that may or may not be the real you. There are entire virtual worlds dedicated to allowing people to be someone else. Not satisfied with who you really are? No problem. You are not bound by your looks, your weight, your job or economic status. You can role play online and make a virtual "who you wish you were" and get a second life or whatever is popular now.

We also have bunches of social media sites where we have "friends" or "followers" or what have you.. Many of them are very popular, there are new ones every day. and much like being seen on the the nerd side of Sonic, heaven forbid you get caught logging into one who's "out." I have an account on most of them and check in every now and then. As a parent, it's my responsibility to stalk my children and to know where they hang out, even online. Also, I'm a people-ish person. I like to keep up.

Lately, I've become convicted about something and I thought I'd share it with you. Here's my first huge realization: I choose the light I shine before this world. My real world AND also my online world.

As a child, my life was one big open life. As modern adults, we compartmentalize our worlds (home, neighborhood, work, church, weekends, hobbies, spare time, etc.)We really don't mix it up much anymore, at least not in my 'burb. We have different people who see and participate in different areas of life. So very few people really, really know me these days and that is hard. Especially when your opinion of me is not the same as my opinion of me.  I believe that I choose who you think I am, what you think I do, where you think I go, what I want you to think my passions and hobbies are and how much about my life you get to know. I can choose to weight it any way I choose.

There's another thing I noticed the other day while perusing Facebook, I noticed that what I think of many people is largely determined by what they post and the frequency and weight they give their "stuff." For example, there are people I truly assume just sit in their house watching "Duck Dynasty" all day. Do they sleep? I don't know. There are people I mistakenly believe live and die for the product they are selling. There are some who I believe live in utter despair because that's what they share with me. There are people who are grandparents and that is all they are anymore. There are runners, gossips, drinkers, crafters, knitters, potty-mouths, brainiacs, funny people, people of faith, people of no faith, pet people, dieters, complainers, scripture quoters, sad people, perpetually happy people, parents, artists, preachers, students...you get the gist. But in my mind, they are very one dimensional. I only know of them what they choose for me to know.

Which led to my second revelation: I only control what they see, I don't control their opinion of me. I control the flashlight but I can't control the shadows that are cast. I can minimize the negative that is out there by being very careful what I share publicly.

To most of my "friends," I am one dimensional. If you only know me online, you know I have a twisted sense of humor, have puppies and have no problem being a ridiculous person on this planet. You know that I'm a Longhorn fan. You know I say I love Jesus, but you can't know if I walk the walk. You know I love people, and their kids and grandkids. I love their pictures. You also know I'm married to Mr. Perfect. I'm almost never publicly down, a few organizations that I'm passionate about and some authors I follow. You know I'm sassy and I don't generally use foul language. You will know that I have kids. You might know their ages or have see their pictures.  But that's about it.

If we attend church together, and we "chat" for 3 minutes every couple of weeks, if we run into each other on occasion or sometimes end up out with a group together, you will know a bit more. You will know I have a weight problem and that I don't always act like is a problem (trust me, it is) that I used to run a Women's Ministry and you might have noticed I don't drink coffee and have a big Dr. Pepper problem.You might even know the names of my children and that I'm proud of them. You may think that I'm an emotional robot with no feelings. You might assume, based on other people you've known, that I'm judgmental and have never sinned.

 Come a little closer, say if you're someone who is in Bible Study or in a volunteer organization with me. You will know I'm opinionated. Strong willed. Tenacious. That I really work hard to practice what I preach and that I am always at war with my hair. You know that I'm so proud of my babies that I could bust. You know I'm not only a Longhorn fan, but I hate sports on TV. You know I'm endlessly fascinated with what most people consider minutiae. And that I'm still a talker. You will assume that I don't wear my hear on my sleeve, but you'll know that I care about "people."I begin to take on a second dimension and I'm not what you expected.

But if you are one of the few who KNOW me, really know me, you will know so much more. I then become a real girl. You will know that my heart only truly breaks when I think that the heart of God is breaking. You will know that I'm aware that the person guilty of it is often me. You will know my children. You will know that when their hearts break, I've got the car gassed and ready to roll to "handle it" Mama style and I only don't do that because I've been forbidden. You'd know why I'm proud of them. You would know that one of them rarely allows me to speak of him on Facebook because he doesn't think I'm as funny as I think I am. You will know that I am a Longhorn fan because I'm a Longhorn married to a Longhorn and I'm terrified of stadiums because of that one time. You will know that I'm self-conscious. You'll know that I'm not good at showing emotions and I will almost never (only once) lose control of my emotions but they are there and they are strong.You will know that that sassy is sometimes covering up insecurity and that I am often almost eaten alive by those insecurities. You will learn to recognize when I'm NOT saying what I wish I was saying because I am very opinionated and outspoken and sometimes it physically hurts to shut up. You will know I'm learning to keep my mouth shut. Learning. You'll know I rarely suffer fools and generally know how to handle my business because my Daddy raised me not to need anyone. You'll also know that Perfect is my rock and I desperately need him and love him second only to God. You will know that I will walk through hell barefoot to try to drag out one methhead or alcoholic or depressed person or abused child (or almost anyone who need it) with me. You will know that to me they are simply people, just like me. You will know that I'm unshockable. You will feel the mercy. You will know I can't judge. You will know I struggle and come from a family that is no stranger to addiction. You will know my past. You will know that I have a will of iron and a backbone of steel and that if I am crashing, it's a BIG deal. You will know my Mama and my sister. You will also know that I stink at small talk and am almost incapable of it.  Awkwardness and social anxiety runs high in this one. You probably don't understand my fascination with politics and the law but you know I sometimes like to sit in court hearings and trials for no reason. You'll know that the things that terrify me are small to most people and the things that terrify most people usually don't bother me at all. You will know that I'm a loyal friend forever and I've never lost a real friend. You will know that I'm fanatical about knowing and understanding God's Word. I love theology. I love to hang out in the Christian Book Store in the Pastor section. I love Jesus with everything I have every day. You will also know there are dark days where I wish I could stay in bed and there are days filled with pain. You will know that I am actually funny. That I can sing and am a compulsive harmonizer. That I am a frustrating, complicated, beautiful bundle of me. I sin. You will know that I'm a real girl. You will also know that I'm not just a woman AND a broad, I'm also a lady. These are people who don't just "see" my posts. They "see" me and I "see" them. They are relationships sown and watered and cultivated in real live life and over time.

 The point of all of that is this: Don't assume you know people you don't know. Try not to judge them by the small slice of their life you are privy to. They, like you, like me, are so much more. Good and not so good.

Lastly: When you make posts on social media, blogs or whatever, remember that you are heavily influencing what people think of you and for those who aren't in your inner circle, that is the light that will shine brightest. If you are a child of God, please shine your faith the brightest. And if you ever get the feeling that I'm shining anything else brighter than my Savior, call me on it. Because I need you to know that He loves you. That He died for you to save you from a real and actual hell and that I really do, after all these years, believe it with all of my heart. And after that, I really don't care too much what you think of me, It's none of my business.

19 Shades of Not So Magic Men... Part I

Well hello! It's been a while. This is a topic I've wanted to personally address for a while, but quite frankly, I had to calm down first. You see there is a phenomenon that has overtaken women this summer so I've dubbed this summer "The Summer of Lady Porn." "50 Shades of Grey" and "Magic Mike" have women shamelessly all atwitter. "Not Christian women," you say. YES, CHRISTIAN WOMEN! I just don't understand it at all. In the words of a dear pastor friend of mine, "This is the summer women lost the moral high ground." If men were flocking to these things you would see us women having Texas sized hissy fits all over the news because, we would not be having it. Husbands would be burned in effigy and any woman prettier than us would be the subject of creative vandalism. We are fully aware that what goes into your brain through your eyes can be just as sinful and as damaging as what your body does. I don't know any woman, Christian or not who is OK with her man perusing, reading, watching or making pornography of any kind. No matter our faith, we know we can't measure up to a fake perfect image.
I don't know any "Magic Men" but I know a lot of good and godly men who are not magic at all and I think that's much better. So I thought maybe a good way to address this is to tell you that there are still good men out there. They exist. You don't have to imagine them. I know so many of them I can't count them. So I'm going to introduce you to just a few. They are all godly men. Everyone. These are men who understand God's call to be men of honor. Good faithful men. They walk in integrity, they honor their marriage vows and love their wives like Christ loves the Church. They stand firm in the faith. They are strong. Some are young men keeping their way pure by guarding their hearts and storing up God's Word in it so they won't sin against Him. I'll tell you a small bit about what makes each one a "good man" other than his godliness, which they all share. These men are not to be the objects of lust. These are real men. Doing what real men do. Not fake, impossibly perfect men. Those would get boring in a hurry. I'll take real any day. (Some are not still living here among us, but helped shape me and were good men whose name is still good today.) Here is "19 Shades Of Not So Magic Men."

This is John. He's married to my girlfriend Pam. I've known him most of my life. John works in a high pressure big important job but his heart is in the country with his family. Every day he makes a nasty commute to provide for his family so they can live their simple life of tractors, sweet tea, front porches and fresh-from-the-garden vegetables. A simple life loving man who will still race with the rats is a good man.

This is Greg. He's married to my girlfriend Lisa. He and John have a lot in common. Greg is also a country boy who loves a simple life. Greg loves his wife so much that when he speaks of her there is an unmistakable giddiness in his voice and his smile is bigger than his face. He also has two adopted boys that he is raising to be godly men and a daughter he's raising much like my daddy raised me...in the woods with a gun in one hand and a Bible in the other. A man who can't stop grinning about his wife, dotes on his little girl and will take in someone else's children and make them family (like our Heavenly Father has done for us) is a good man.

This is Frank. Frank is a devoted family man. This man was so excited when he first heard there was going to be a baby girl in the family that his heart was wrecked before he ever met her. God loves his attitude so much that he blessed him with a girl twice! Frank gets to be married to my girlfriend Kristin. I think that's how he would say it. He is proud of his woman! When she is the subject of conversation, you can tell that he is just gobsmacked that he gets to be married to her. I think he feels like he won some sort of wife lottery. A man who is wrecked over a baby that isn't even born yet and is gobsmacked over his wife is a good man.

This is Alex. Alex is married to my precious and unforgettable girlfriend Laura. Alex serves as a missionary with the Miskito Indians in Honduras. He is a man to whom God said "take your family and go" and he said "will do." He loves his family and has a special heart for orphans and the fatherless. He puts his shoes to the road and lives out that calling every day. He has 4 children, a mixture of natural and adopted. Doesn't matter which is which because he's Daddy to them all and NOW there is a new precious baby girl to love too. A man who will devote his life to His call and still keep a tender heart for "the least of these" is a good man.

This is Jimmy, or Jim to his friends. He's a cousin and is married to Karen. They call each other "Pal" and have two boys they call "The Wonder Boys." Jim is a successful composer who lives in Hollywood yet still manages to live out his faith every day. Not only does he stand for Christ in Hollywood, he teaches classes and has written a book to help others share their faith. A man who is a "pal" to his wife, recognized the "wonder" in his boys and gets that making disciples is the Great Commission is a good man....who makes great music.

This is my Uncle Don. He's just a straight out good old God loving country boy. Need a hand, he'll lend you both of his. He is a craftsman and a loving husband, father and grandfather, and he's one of the men I love to call family. He is my Daddy's brother and he is super funny. I bet we got our sense of humor from the same place. His grand kids call him "Dino." Who doesn't love that? He's married to my Aunt Mary who is, as far as I know, the perfect woman and a super great aunt!

This is Clay. He's married to my girlfriend Collette. Clay has 4 children and several beagles. He says he's not a "kid person," but you just hurt one of his and you'll see that he loves his kids ferociously. Clay loves Disney only slightly less than he loves Collette. He knows that he hit the jackpot when he landed his woman. This man is always ready to lend a hand, to pitch in or lend an ear. He's a good friend, husband and father. He is always pursuing knowledge in an attempt to understand God's Word as well as he possibly can. A Disney, beagle and family loving man who is a good friend as well as all those other things is a good man.

This is Usarian. He's married to my girlfriend Kristine. They have five boys. This man recently spent six or seven days with all of his boys by himself so his wife could go "home" to a wedding. Then just yesterday he searched high and low to find a restaurant that served his wife's favorite soup so he could bring some home to her. He has several reasons to complain, yet I never hear him do so. A man who will take his vacation and spend uninterrupted time with his own FIVE BOYS and then search out secret soup just for his wife is a good man.

This is Chip. Do you see that smile on his face? It's because he gets to be married to my best friend Laura. They have four children (mostly now adults,) who are all dedicated to serving others. He works harder and longer than your average bear. He has always been on Laura's side, no matter what the other side was. I have seen this man get his own behind up off of the comfortable couch just to get her a drink or warm up her coffee. This man is completely unaware that there are other women on this planet because he simply can't see them. A man who only has eyes for you, is on your side, helps you raise servant hearted adults AND will fetch a drink for you because you're thirsty is a good man.

This is Marcus. This man is married to my girlfriend Tricia and he is near and dear to my own heart. This man saw potential in my child when he was just a quiet and painfully shy 7th grader. He mentored him and taught him guitar, which changed his life. He gave my boy an outlet for his godly passion and a way to serve Jesus. As you can tell he's an amazing youth minister but he is also a devoted father to a precious boy that I love almost as much as my own. He works harder than any man I know and I'm not sure he sits down. He is super busy yet is never to busy to be a good friend to me. He has spent his summer hauling kids all over several states for camp at the expense of his family time. A man who will invest in your children and haul them all over the world for you and still be a great husband and father is a good man. That's only the first half. Stick around for the second half. Some of my favorites will be there. Please leave me a comment telling me about a "not so magic man" that you know and what makes him a good man.

19 Shades of Not So Magic Men, Part II

This is Buddy. He's a cousin married to Teri. He's Dad to three beautiful, smart and charming girls. He spent years in law enforcement keeping us all safe, though I did hear that back in the day (before Teri) he would pull over pretty girls because they were pretty. This man has also walked through his own personal hell and while it was touch and go for a while, has come out on the other side with his sense of humor intact. He's a great coach and someone I really like a lot. He picks on me so I know he likes me. A man who will serve and protect, deal with great pain and emerge on top is a good man.

This is Zachery. He's one of those godly, servant hearted kids raised by Chip. Right now, he's serving in the Marines. We sleep safe at night because of good "men" like Zachery. This is how we know that the next generation is not hopeless. I've watched this boy grow up and he's always been an amazing kid. He is now an amazing man and a husband to the beautiful Estephany, who is also a Marine. They are deployed overseas. A man who loves his country, his wife and his Jesus and who manages to serve all three is a good man.

This is Joel. I dare you to find a picture of him without a guitar in his hand. He is married to my friend Becky. Joel was my first Youth Minister growing up. He encouraged me in my music and also taught me Bible. When my girlfriend Pam (married to John) and I decided several times to invite ourselves to visit him in Ft. Worth when we were in High School, he and Becky were gracious hosts, even though he was a poor seminary student at the time, and our visits probably put them out a lot. This was a fact we never stopped to consider. He always gave us his ear and always prayed with us. He never told us we weren't his problem anymore because he had moved on. He is a father to three godly kids who are grown. He is the best musician I know and that's saying a lot. I love this man more than words can say and he gets a lot of credit for lighting my passion for Christ. He's moved on from youth ministry and into music ministry but still goes touring with his youth choir. All these years later, he's still investing in the future generations. A man who encourages youngsters and still serves the Lord is a good man.

This is Dale, or at our house, Grandpa. He's married to Grandma, Jeanene. This is a very dignified man and the patriarch of our family. He's the tent pole that holds up the big old Lawson tent. He's been an engineer, deacon, Sunday School teacher and father too. But my favorite thing about this man is a memory I treasure. When Ashley was about 18 months old, I walked into her playroom to find her serving high tea in her finest dress up outfit and Easter gloves. Grandpa was seated on the floor at the table, wearing her Easter hat and participating in this very serious tea party. He just looked at me and smiled and asked me to please excuse myself. And they proceeded to have high tea. A very dignified man who has accomplished much in life yet will still come correct to a toddler's tea party is a good man.

This is Bro. Bill. He was my first Pastor and other Daddy. He was married to my other mother Becky and was Daddy to two girls, one of them is one of my oldest best friends Kathy. I spent a lot of time at his house. This is my favorite picture of him because it shows his personality. He had the biggest, most infectious laugh. But he also was a teaching pastor and was "no respecter of persons." He loved me and everyone else equally. I saw in this man what a follower of Christ should look like. He taught me scripture, but he also taught me to search things out for myself. He was often my personal counselor. He drove Kathy and I to the mall more times than I can count. When God called this man home, it left a hole that has never been filled. We are all blessed to know this man. A man whose good attributes cannot be contained in a mere blog is a good man.

This is Glenn, but to me he was Daddy. He is pictured here with my daughter Ashley who was the light of his life. My Daddy was a man's man. He was married to my Mom Glenda. I always thought of them as Fonzie and Sandra Dee. My Daddy was cool and handsome. In this picture he had just gotten off work. While it isn't his best he's breaking his rule and SMILING. He usually didn't smile in pictures, but when he was holding a grandbaby, that was different. He worked hard every day of his life. If someone needed a hand with just about anything, he was there. He was an avid outdoors-man and family man. He loved me enough to have a hard time letting me go. This man was invincible as far as I was concerned. However, when this tough hunter and fisherman found out that a grand child was coming, something took over his body. He started going in to work early on the day the "Good Housekeeping" magazine came into the work room so he could make a list of all the recalls. He would then make sure my mother told me all of the things I was not allowed to have for "our baby." He loved both of the kids so much that it physically hurt him to be apart from them, yet he understood our need to be independent because that's how he raised me. I get my personality and sense of humor from him. I miss him. A man that will love you and your mama and your babies and leave this Earth with a good reputation is a good man.

This is K.D., Kester to his friends and Papa to me. He loved me so much I was sure I was his favorite. Of course, we all were his favorite. He also was silly proud of my kids. This man always had ice cream when I came to visit as a child and that was a lot because we only lived twenty minutes away. He still had it years later when my kids would come visit. He spent a lot of time at the mall with my Granny and I because we were world class shoppers. He never complained. He was married to my Granny for well over 50 years and always had her back. When I was in college, he'd slip some money, ranging from a twenty to a hundred into my hand and tell me not to tell my Granny...then she would do the same. This man delighted in his family. It was not wise to speak against any one of us. A man who will hold the purse at the mall and spoil his grandchildren and then great-grand children rotten is a good man.

This is Terry. My husband and my heart. His nickname is "Mr.Perfect" and it fits. This man has put up with me for almost 25 years. We've been married just shy of 23. He would make a great stay at home dad but he goes to work, and is the best at what he does, so I could stay home and raise our kids. He married a thin woman and 3 months later, through some medical "incident" no one could ever diagnose was married to a not thin woman. He's loved me anyway. He has been the best daddy in the world to our two kiddos.He has never used the word "babysit" in relation to his own children. He has spent lots of time with them while I was out doing my thing. He never complained. He is patient and kind. He is wise and solid. He has a heart for people and is tormented that maybe he isn't changing the world. He's wrong, he's changing the world for the better ever day. He has showed up and been present every single day for almost 23 years. He's also super handsome. A man who will love you fat or thin, sick or well, smart or stupid is a good man.

Finally, this is Tyler. He isn't married to anyone because he's only 18. This is my boy. He will be off to college soon and he will do whatever he wants because he's got the "stuff." He's smart, but not obnoxious, handsome but oblivious, talented but humble. He treats everyone with respect. This first picture of him is just my favorite. He was in Honduras, visiting with Alex and his people. He is praying with a lady who is pregnant. She has lost two children to preventable diseases. My shy boy stepped out of his comfort zone to pray with her. He has spent his last summer before college serving others. Like Phil, with my children, my heart goes walking around outside my body. This young man, along with his sister and Daddy, holds my heart. He is another reason why I know that the world will go on. This young man loves Jesus. His faith is his own and not ours because we have taught him to "test all things" as we were taught. He knows why he believes what he believes. This young man is respectful to women. This young man is mostly responsible, unless he needs to clean his room. I'm not ready to let him go but he is ready to be let go. A young man whose mom can't think of a single negative thing to say is a good man.I know this was long. I'm going to break it into three. The last one will be extra pictures should you like to see them. I hope you see now that common everyday men trump "Magic Men" every time. Ladies, don't lower your expectations. Maybe you just need to change your opinion on what makes a good man. The best looking man may not be the one that will love you for life no matter what comes. Look for one that will love you for life. Here's a hint: if he loves Jesus more that you or himself, that's a great place to start. Also, I don't want to, but I'm putting all of the hot and bothered Christian women ON NOTICE!!! They know better!
Please leave me a comment telling me about a "not so magic man" that you know and what makes him a good man.

19 Shades of Not So Magic Men...the Pictures, Part III

John with his girls

Greg with his boys

Frank, daddying...yes, I made that word up. Isn't this picture too precious?

Alex, loving on a little one in Honduras.

Jim with his Pal Karen

Clay and his bride Collette. Believe it or not this is the day they met. I think they were married about 20 minutes later. He knows he's met the one!

Usarian, his wife Kristine and the WHOLE crew.

Chip and his oldest, Zachery, the Marine. Interestingly, Z grew up to look just like his Dad.

Marcus with his pride and joy Malaki.

Buddy and the beautiful Teri.

Joel, in the 70's. This man was trusted with children in that get up. All I can say about it is..."I SHO HATE IT!!"

"Grandpa" Dale. With the sweet Ashley

Glenn, my Daddy. With baby Tyler and baby me! He loved babies!

Kester, my Papa. He's holding me up.I was the oldest. He sure loved me! Can you tell?

Terry, Mr. Perfect with Tyler, Ashley and me (a long time ago.)

Tyler with a precious little girl in Honduras and now a couple of bonuses...

Those last two photos are from Creative Designs 14:7. Hit them up for all your graphics needs. (shameless plug.)http://www.creativedesigns147.com/
Please leave me a comment telling me about a "not so magic man" that you know and what makes him a good man.