Saturday, March 19, 2011
HGCID & VS...or tell it to Jesus!
Don't you wish you knew the nature of a call before you answer it? I get many calls from people who profess to want help or spiritual guidance, but what they really want is someone to listen and tell them whatever foolishness they're engaged in is OK and then tell them why it's OK with God...when it clearly isn't. Sometimes they just need to tell it to Jesus! So I've invented the Holy Ghost Caller ID and Voicemail System (HGCID & VS) to help with this dilema and to keep myself out of your business when I don't belong there. Coming soon, Holy Spirit Email & Text Message Retrieval and Forwarding Program (HSE&TMRP.) I'm very excited about it.
"Hello, you've reached Donna's new Holy Ghost Caller ID and Voicemail System. Your call will be handled in the manner most appropriate for the nature of the call."
"If you are currently living in continual and unrepentant sin and would like someone to tell you it's OK, or that God would want you to be happy... the Holy Ghost will be routing your call on up the line so you can tell it to Jesus. Neither of us will tell you what you want to hear."
"If you are in the middle of doing something you know is stupid, sinful, hurtful or crazy and want someone to pat you on the back and understand...the Holy Ghost is going to forward you on so you can tell it to Jesus. He will refer you to His Word."
"If you are struggling with some real deep personal issue or have a tragedy that has befallen you but you just want to tell me how much you hate Christians...you're going to be screened by the Holy Ghost and he will tell you to...tell it to Jesus. He will be able to comfort you so much better than me and He won't get mad at other Christians."
"If you have a problem with another Christian and want to 'share' a prayer request(gossip,) if you have a problem with a friend and just need to tell someone the horrible wrong that was done to you so we can all be mad together (gossip) or if you have some news that can't wait (gossip,) the Holy Ghost is going to intercede in this call and send you on to the Boss so you can...(you get it by now) tell it to Jesus."
"If however, you are struggling with anything I can truly help you with, pray over with you, cry over with you, laugh over with you, tell you what God says (and you care to listen,)help you get out of a bad situation, OR if you need to tell me how pretty, smart and witty I am, you can leave a message and I'll get back to you."