Sunday, October 5, 2008

This just breaks my heart.

I've had a Facebook page for about 6 months and I have just been having a blast reconnecting with old friends who are also on Facebook. Last night I decided to look on MySpace to see if there were old buddies lurking there, so I did a classmate search. I found out that without a last name, I can't place most of the people because they look like grown-ups. (When did we grow up? I'm pretty sure I haven't.) I came upon a lady from my class who I couldn't recognize and so I started poking around on her page. What I found there broke my heart.

This was posted among her blog entries as the eulogy her ex-husband wrote for be read at his funeral. This isn't well written, but it shook my world and reminded me that we are not all who we seem to be.

" (to be read at my funeral)
This may be a surprise to many, even those who think they know me best. Lots of you will talk about the wonderful things I've done or the good man and a strong christian. However I am bound for hell. I know God exists I have never had a doubt I know he's a god of love though I've never felt it. I have called on him repetitively, but never repentant. I've tried to live a good life but my heart is full evil. The only true emotions felt are lust and hate. So though I'm sitting next to you saying the prayers. I pray for you. Our paths are different. For where I'm heading is lonely and my eternity I fear I just wish Gods love will shine to you. Please feel free to cry, but not for me, but for the lost saint sitting next to you...........I'm Sorry"

This guy wanted this read at his funeral so everyone would know that he had been deceiving them. That he was a faker. That he talked the talk, was probably fluent in "christianese," but ultimately had no relationship with Christ. I can't imagine the horror at his funeral when people who thought they knew him heard this. If I had been there, I would have taken it personally. Maybe people did know what was truly in his heart and he didn't realize it. Either way, my heart breaks for him, and also for the man he could have been. However, as I sat in church this morning, I looked around and realized just how little I truly know people. I hadn't really realized until today how little I invest in others.

We are relatively new at our church, so it is natural that we don't really know anyone intimately yet. So I began to think, how many people do I know? I don't mean how many people am I acquainted with, buddies with, but how many do I KNOW and LOVE? I realized that the answer is really pitiful. I have lots of friends, but we don't spend a lot of time together. In the last fifteen or so years, I have really only bothered to get to KNOW and LOVE one person. One??? I couldn't believe it. Then I thought about how many people I have allowed to truly KNOW and LOVE me in the same time frame and the answer is one. Now that one person is a true sister and we can't live on this planet without each other, but I don't think God ever intended for us to be so closed off.

So while this guy never intended to, he has touched my life. I am going to make an effort to invest in more people, to KNOW and LOVE them. I am going to maybe even let a few people in to KNOW and LOVE me, not just the Donna I want them to know, but the godly, sinning, repentant, funny, cute imperfect hot mess that I am. This will be hard for me.

Look around at the people in your life. Could someone like this guy be lurking there? Would you know? Have you invested yourself in others enough? Have you opened yourself up to the wondrous possibilities and possible pain and disappointment from walking alongside your fellow man...not a few steps in front or behind, but beside?

This is going to be rough for me. I let people think they know me, but I guard my heart closely. However my example is Christ and he was real! I hope this gives you something to think about and maybe just maybe this man's death can speak to us and some good can come.

" 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[b] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[c] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1John 4: 7-12

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