Spiritual Abuse Nonsense

"In the past, I've never looked at you as your weight. But from now on, when I look at you, your weight is all I will see." 

Woah! Shocking? Sticks and stones may break my bones but those words still sometimes haunt me. And that was a bit ago. Spiritual abuse is the topic today. And we are overcoming it!

So, let's talk about Spiritual Abuse. And let's try to do it in a godly way. Because it is real, it is devastating and it is evil. And scripture has a lot to say, And so do I. Because I am a victim and also a survivor. I pray to God I've never been a perpetrator. Let's also examine what is NOT abuse. And it will be a rough read and raw. I'm going to tell you about some real events. It won't be pretty. But hang on. Jesus always  holds us in His hand. Always.

Victim is not a word I would ever use to describe myself, as a rule. I am a survivor and an over comer. I am sassy and fierce and a rock! I have walked through hell and back and if you remember, I Don't Even Want To Smell Of Smoke. I do not sit around and wallow, for the most part. I don't ask anyone to feel sorry for me, which is good because I am not a person that people care to worry about too much. (Too sassy maybe? Too blunt, plainspoken? Yup. I get it, No shade throwing here. I can clearly take care of myself.) If I have a pity party, I am party of one in general. I am a "pick myself up by my bootstraps and man up" kind of girl. I am strong, I am invincible, I am...well you get it. Yet I  spent a few years, trying to get over some of the most hurtful things I've ever experienced in my life. I'm hoping to help you if you've been there. And if maybe you see yourself in the evil parts of this, it's not over for you. There is always forgiveness. And I'm still a work in progress. But I have forgiven. I have been forgiven. And I have found peace. 

Let's wade in easy and start with criticism,  Criticism isn't always abuse.  And it can even be well meaning,  It doesn't always come from an evil person who intends harm. I think. I mean, don't we all know how to fix other people? The log in "their" eye is so obvious! Let's help "them!" Hurt feelings be damned! (To hell ya'll. I'm not a potty mouth. Don't write to my <redacted> and tell <redacted> I've converted to crass language. <Redacted> tried to help me think of a better word. Disregarded? Danged? Ignored? None really make the point. I'm leaving the word in and your objection has been noted and reported to management.) I want to start this thing off with this example from my own life because I still find it downright funny. A pastor's wife needed to meet with me, come along side me, if you will. She was not rude or condescending. Just to the point. Her concern? My weight. She wouldn't admit that it was a problem for her. Her issue, she said, was that it didn't seem to be a problem for me. I carried myself like a " regular" size person. I seemed to like myself. As the Women's Bible Study Teacher and Youth High School Girl's Teacher, I was clearly sending an ungodly message, as a leader (bless my heart) that God was OK with being overweight. Um...no. That is not the message I was trying to send. The message I was trying to live out was that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am a daughter of the King, made in  the image of GOD ALMIGHTY,  and I am also one who is struggling but will not walk with my head down in shame. WHAT? My God is not a Good of shame. Scripture says: 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I KNOW THAT FULL WELL." Psalm 139:14. 

"Then God said, 'Let Us make man in our own image, in our likeness...'" "So God created Mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and FEMALE He created them." Genesis 1: 26-27 

These verses tell me who I am. No person gets to do that. But I also don't pretend a weight problem is not a problem and can even be sin. (This will be a theme as we go on.) And this woman didn't hurt my feelings. And to be sure, I addressed it in class lest anyone be led astray by my great hair (boy, do I miss it) and esteem. It led to a great discussion and no one was confused as to whether I was pleased with my weight. And we discussed the logs in our eyes. After all, scripture doesn't say not to judge, just be sure you're not guilty too. And this well put together woman had no log in her eye and her intent was honest, I think. This was not abuse. It was not mean. It was not bullying. I didn't enjoy it. So what? We don't have to get our drawers in a twst if there's no need. Try to get the "constructive" out and move on. 

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others. you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7: 1-2

I struggle with my weight. It's a life long struggle. I struggled with it before I even had anything to struggle with because it was my identity in my family. My sister was the "skinny one" so I was the "fat one" even though I wasn't really fat at all. "You're just chubby, honey," well, at least as far as any adult in my family was concerned. And they were very verbal my whole life so it is a hard shell I have there. I developed it early and it is hard to break through to cause harm. I have a mirror and I buy my clothes. I do not live in denial. I also have a doctor who keeps my feet on the ground and is not playing with me or my health. I also feel sure God wants us to have healthy bodies. Scripture doesn't really address weight loss. Probably because very few people had the privilege of "fat" back in that day. But about "fit," we have some direction.

 "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of The Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a HIGH price. So you must honor God with your body." I Corinthians 6: 19-20.

"Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship." Romans 12:1

I'm including this so you don't think I'm ignorant to the scripture. I don't pick and choose what I like. I am NOT saying it's good, or OK to be overweight. It's also not OK to pick on or make fun of people with that struggle any more than it is OK to do the same to anyone with any other struggle, or sin. God is not mean. He does not tell us to be mean. 

Here is a real life example of mean. And make no mistake, it's also abusive. I have a friend who is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He has personally invested in my family. He invests in the lives of others much more than his own. If there is any need, I mean ANY NEED, this man will help you out. No questions asked. He loves the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind and has dedicated his life to sharing that every way he can. EVERY WAY! He works in ministry. If you know him, you do not see his weight. It's likely you see all of those things I just mentioned and more. And I've also witnessed him being the butt of his boss's fat jokes. I've witnessed his boss belittling him and preaching publicly against his weight and his habits! I witnessed the boss going to an event held by my friend and doing pull ups on the beams from the ceiling while making fun of the fact that my friend probably couldn't do it. Who was his boss? His PASTOR! What does scripture say? A LOT! A small sampling:

"Toward the scorners He is scornful, but to the humble He gives favor." Proverbs 3:34

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such that is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29. 
That does not mean build up your muscles doing pull ups at the church pot luck y'all! It means to build up, lift up, encourage the BODY, our BROTHERS AND SISTERS. This is so abusive. It is tearing down. Suddenly people may begin to see you as your weakness and not your strength. Remember, this pastor, as well as you, are fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image! If this is a practice you see in your life or the life of someone you know, put a stop to it. Do not stand for it. Do not just walk out in disgust (as I did.) Go to your brother and show him his fault. Don't allow it to continue. It may take time, but a true person of God will appreciate you showing him or her their error. Be prepared to be disliked if necessary. Take a stand. And don't be afraid to apologize to your friend if you didn't do what was needed, even if it's 9 years later. 

In the Church the only sin we love to cast stones at more than the ones we aren't committing, are ones we've overcome. Addiction, abortion, weight issues and adultery, among others. No one is harder on a person who is overweight than a person who WAS overweight 5 minutes ago. And we can be MEAN about it while sounding like we're trying to help. ("Oh Honey, you have the most beautiful face, but I'm worried about your health. Have you tried {insert health/ diet supplement/ diet book/ celebrity diet popular at the moment here}?  I was HUGE, like you, until I discovered it! God used it to help me overcome my ungodly ways. It will save your life and you'll be as pretty as your face. You'll never need to eat again!") Ugh! 

("Donna, your weight talk is making me uncomfortable," you are likely saying by now. Don't worry. It's going to get worse then better. Well that's the intent. I'm not finished writing yet. So keep reading. Unless "fat" is a trigger for you. In that case, hit the X and go with God.)
So let's get to the ugly. Real ugly. Evil ugly. Then let's talk about the solutions. Because why point out a problem if you don't point out solutions.

"In the past, I've never looked at you as your weight. But from now on, when I look at you, your weight is all I will see." 

We, a group of 5 were together in a room. Four of us had made the other one, my boss, very unhappy and we were apologizing. Sincerely. Even though we had done nothing wrong but be misunderstood. Still, I had asked them to join me in apologizing because we had inadvertently hurt his feeling and I felt apology was the right thing to do. But he was mad. Very mad. Hulking out, scary, might rip my face off and wear my skin as a mask, mad. In all of my years in Church and in Ministry, I've never witnessed this. Usually, people apologize sincerely and the offended forgive. Not this day, not this man. Not my boss, who was also my pastor. This man could not control himself. And for me, it was terrifying My friend Kristine was one of those there that evening and she wrote about this incident twice. Once here: Glimpse of Being Fat and once here: Too Fat and Back- a glimpse of my journey of acceptance and healing. She's a gifted writer and I urge you to read it. 

I had been working as a volunteer Women''s Ministry Director on staff at a small church. And it had been very hard. I had been pushed as low as I could go. That had never happened before. I am generally not treated poorly. People are generally kind or at least nice to my face. I am not bullied or put down...to my face. I am also not a person who accepts abuse. I never understood those who stayed in abuse. I always thought I certainly wouldn't put up with it. Not for a minute. Until I did. Impossible demands? No problem, I'll meet them. Lots of yelling at me then apology and asking forgiveness? I forgive.  I would quit my "job"and then change my mind. Seeds of discord were planted behind my back and I was made to apologize to anyone who didn't like my decisions. Then I had to try to make them happy. No problem, it costs me nothing to apologize and it keeps the peace, was my thinking. Making sure that I knew I had no voice with the church leadership because he was their leader happened often. Forced to try to please every single person? Yup. He acted like we were friends one minute and enemies the next. So confusing. Such a whiplash of confusing emotions. If someone gossiped, there was "gossip in the Women's Ministry" and all of leadership was alerted to my failure before I was.  Was I blameless? I honestly have no idea so I can't claim to be blameless. My personality was certainly shut down. I could barely hold my head up and sometimes could barely get out of bed. There were days I cried all day. I felt I was disappointing God. Why didn't I just leave? I really felt God had put me there and I was hoping to be used of Him for however long I could endure. I was mostly alone. My one friend that I had left at the church was driven out. I was afraid to talk to anyone, even those who had been my friends long before any of us joined this church. Most people were afraid to speak to me. So I held on too tight. I didn't let anyone in. I appeared rigid, unfriendly, unapproachable and disapproving. I held my head too high. I shut down my listener. I autopiloted my way through. That was all  ongoing for a couple of years before the meeting above. After that, this man and I did have a Matthew 18:15 meeting. (Look it up) I was physically afraid but scripture says go tell him his fault and I did. I cried the snotty, ugly cry through the whole thing but I got through it. And it made him feel powerful because everyone knows I don't cry in public so I had no power there. But still,  I hoped it was getting better. The first change I noticed was not good. He began calling me "Miss Donna." (I'm older than him by 3 years, I think) Soon, everyone was calling me "Miss Donna" and I felt old and useless. So,  it was not going to get better. And it didn't. I stayed for another year, believe it or not, and then I resigned and not a day too soon. In months the walls of everything came crumbling down around the man. At least that's what I thought had happened. But sometimes, evil is allowed to flourish. I did not remain silent. But I also didn't tell anyone else's story. I only told my story to those who asked. No one cared, really. People called, but most didn't care what happened to me. They wanted gossip. So where is the good in all of that? Well, there is no good in all of that. Scripture says: 

"And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I loved God and was called. But there is one thing it doesn't say. It doesn't say "all things work together for good RIGHT NOW." I prayed and I waited. And I hurt. I couldn't walk in a church without fleeing and having an anxiety attack. No pastor would I trust. I was raw. And my Church family was hurting too, over different things. They couldn't be there for me even had they wanted to. We all sat and licked our wounds in separate corners. It was worse for them because the confusion continued for them. Tragic. Inexcusable. Yet still, forgivable. 

Why did I tell you all of that in such detail? First, God "sends" me so many people who have similar stories. I want you to know you aren't alone. I sat in a lecture recently on kinds of abuse and part of the lecture was on Spiritual Abuse. Yet, it was brushed right over and most knew nothing about it. So I can help there. I know. And with knowledge comes responsibility. And I want you to know there is healing. I want you to know that neither God nor his Word ever changes. When He says He will never leave you or forsake you, you can be sure of it, even if you can't imagine it or feel it in the moment. God has chosen to use people to do His work here on Earth and as it turns out, we are a mess! None of us is perfect. Not a single one. And God desires to have a personal relationship even with those who struggle with doing the right thing. Because there is forgiveness for everyone. And as I remind myself of that, I want to remind you of that too. No matter which end of those stories you may relate to.
"If we confess our sin He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 1 Chronicles 7:14. 

"Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sin is proclaimed to you." Acts 13:38

Second, there is power in bringing things to light. It's therapeutic. It's healing and it's also important not to sit by and allow evil to prevail. If you have a story, tell it. But tell the whole story. Not just the bad parts or just the good parts. Scripture says that what is done in the dark will come to the light. I pray that I am a light and that I am transparent. I don't claim perfection.

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." Luke 8:17. 

"For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." Mark 4:22

(These are both the same story. It's important enough to be listed in two of the Gospels. Don't put your light under the bed y'all!)

Third, I want you to see the pattern of abuse. It's not special. I wasn't special. It's as old as time. It's textbook. But I couldn't see it from the bottom of my pit at the time. If it resonates with something inside you, I beg you to do something about it. Reach out to me. I will help you get help. I know people. They can help. Because you should know, you probably weren't the first. I wasn't. I was pretty far down a list.. I pray that he has gotten some good help. I pray there has been repentance and restoration of relationships. I pray that the cycle ended. As you can see, I pray for this person. First, because scripture says to, second, because it's healing for me and lastly, there is a long history in scripture of imprecatory prayer that turned into real, honest forgiveness. Here are a few books that can help you in identifying and overcoming Spiritual Abuse. They were helpful to me. They aren't theology books, but still good reads.

And the final thoughts are these. I have not been left nor forsaken by my God, not even in the darkest of days. I have found ways to continue doing what God has called me to do. In places and ways I never even imagined or dreamed. I am able to understand the abused in ways I could not before. Walking in someone's shoes is not imperative for understanding, but it does not hurt at all and it sure helps to have empathy. And we have been able to go to a church service without fear, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks or running out. Because I am loved. I am precious to God. He has sent people into my life in surprising ways to minister to me. This was new for me. I'm used to being the one people go to. He has shown himself faithful. I am still in the struggle with my weight. We are not friends. I turned 50 recently and it really helped me focus on what is important. Christ and Him crucified. That's what I want to be my focus from now on. I want to hear well done. I don't want to even smell of smoke!

I'm going to give the last words to Kristine, taken from her blog. Because it's beautiful.
"Dear friends, I know I probably have offended some of you by this post.  I am very sorry that was not my intention, at all.  However, I felt very strongly that this needed to be said.  If you are one who is in my shoes, who feels unlovable because of the way you look or how you have performed know that you are loved.    Please know that God's love for you is not dependent upon anything you do, on how well you talk, or what you look like.  God's love is not based on anything you can do or be.  God loves you because you are His creation.  God loves you inexplicably and completely.  I will be praying that you will feel His love tonight. -Kristine

Donna Took Up Drinking? Nonsense!

I'm going to start this post with a warning: Some of you will be horrified at me after you read this saga. You will be so disturbed by the ways I treated your best friend that you won't be able to think of me the same way again. It's OK. I understand. It's not personal. However, because of the potential entertainment value, I decided to share with you the "inspired by true events" story of Donna vs Red Wine. That's right. For a whole five days, this Southern Baptist born and bred girl...took up drinking, came very close to breaking a good man, and offended everyone who knew about it. For different reasons than you might think.

I don't drink. I never have (more than a yukky sip or a delicious cruise ship hot chocolate-y thing) and I probably never will. I'm not a prude, nor is it really much of a religious issue. Because I often write on matters of faith here, I want to be clear on where I stand. No where in scripture does it say that drinking alcohol is forbidden. That water that Jesus turned into wine at the wedding in Cana was real wine. Not good Southern Baptist Welch's Grape Juice as many of us were taught. (I know...I was shocked too!) The Bible says not to be drunk and in scripture bad things happened to those who were drunk, starting with Noah in Genesis 9:20-23. If you're unfamiliar, look it up. As a good southern woman, I shy away from being shamed when I can, and Noah had a shaming that no good southerner could come back from! Lucky for Noah, he wasn't from below the Mason-Dixon Line. I'm just saying, y'all!

 I happen to have three very good reasons for not being a tippler. 1) Growing up, I watched it consume an uncle I loved, and I watched him destroy his life and the lives of anyone who was close to him, and often that included me. The man behind the drink was amazing when he wasn't drinking. His "habit" took his life  when he was much to young. Because this tendency already runs in my family, it has always seemed wise to abstain. 2) I think it could be confusing to some if I were seen publicly drinking because I've always been a non drinker. Starting when I was very outspoken about underage drinking in my "East  Texas dry county, nothing to do, underage high school days," a minority for sure, and also in my University of Texas days where every day was a party for almost everyone and being a Christian non drinker is NOT cool. I was cool with being not cool. I AM a Christian and people associate my faith and non imbibing with me. Scripture tells me not to cause anyone to stumble. This is MY thing, doesn't have to be yours. It's easy for me to avoid that because.....3) I can't stand the smell, the taste, or the fumes of alcoholic drinks. Even the hot chocolate-y things would have tasted better without alcohol, I thought. I've never tasted beer, but based on it's appearance I'm pretty sure it tastes like pee. If that's your bag, hey, I'm not judging. I just don't get it.

Now to get on with it. A few years ago I was struggling with terrible insomnia. Worse than usual. Mr. Perfect, who has a co-starring role in this story, had told me for years that a little wine would help me sleep. One evening I saw yet another news story about how a glass of red wine every day was good for your heart. As a woman who is fighting the battle of the bulge, er bulges, I realized that it might be good for my heart and my sleep if I took up the habit. The queen needs her beauty sleep, y'all! I can't be looking all "rode hard and put up wet!" A lack of sleep makes you ugly.  I am NOT going to "go gentle into that great goodnight." I'm fighting it with all my Southern spunk! I knew I didn't care for the taste of red wine because I didn't care for the smell but surely I could stand 5 ounces once a day. Surely. So, temporarily tossing reason number two aside, I looked to Facebook for advice. I have a lot of those wine aficionado friends so I asked them for a recommendation. They were all happy to oblige and a little surprised this teetotaler was taking up spirits. I got a lot of recommendations. I also got about seven (secret) messages from friends who are also nondrinkers asking me to let them know (secretly) if I found a wine I could tolerate. I had started a secret society! What followed broke the heart of my man and left him in a heap on the floor, lost me a few friends AND denied me a sweet gig as the "Worthy High Princess of the Secret Southern Baptist Wine Drinkers Society." (I made that up.)

Day 1: Perfect had stopped and picked up a highly recommended bottle of red. After dinner, I went and got a measuring cup and measured out 5 ounces, which I had read was the heart healthy "dose." My hopes were high that I would instantly be healthier and probably drop 50 pounds from my healthy lifestyle change that very night. I took one sip and gagged!!! That is some nasty stuff. I held my nose, and drank the rest even though it took me about 30 minutes, whining and saying "stuff" the whole time. I believe my status on Facebook for my friends said something about it tasting like "mold filtered through dirty miner's socks." How do people drink this on purpose? I was obviously not born to be sophisticated or classy. I thought I could at least fake classy. Nope. Not so much. Perfect was encouraging. It will get easier, he said. You did great (cough lie cough.) My Facebook cheerleaders were encouraging and gave me new recommendations. I concocted a plan for day 2.

Day 2: Perfect had picked up a new bottle of recommended wine because I had clearly rejected bottle one. I had decided that the problem was clearly the glass. I had just used an old plastic cup day one. So I got a glass wine glass for day two. Aren't I smart? Nope. Still tasted worse than anything I've ever had! So, much like day 1, I held my nose, whined, griped, said "stuff" complained and yelled for about 30 minutes until it was done. Perfect was probably wondering how this was helping my health since I was clearly raising my blood pressure. I was hoping it was good for that too. My Facebook friends were concerned that I still wasn't converted after day 2. I had written something like "swine swill fit for zombie mean girls that you hate." I formulated a solution for day 3.

Day 3: New bottle. Recommendation, etc. Y'all are catching on. No problem, I've got the perfect fix for day 3. I need it to be cold and numb my tongue so I poured it over ice. Perfect's face went red. He said some stuff about "how dare I?" He couldn't participate in this and left the room. So, hopeful but alone, I took a sip. OH MY NO!!! Ack, gag, gross! So nasty. Not better. I held my nose, yelled, stomped around and told that glass just what I thought about it for the next 30 minutes! My Facebook post that night said something about "If we took space aliens who were out to destroy us as POWs they still wouldn't deserve this worse than paint thinner junk" ....or something like that. I was un-friended by two of my besties who could hear no more. New idea for day 4, but I was losing hope.

Day 4: Perfect refused to buy me a new bottle. Something about a "waste of good wine" and he was "going to have to handle all my wasted bottles himself" and I'm pretty sure he accused me of driving him to drink. So....glass glass. 5 ounces of red nasty. What it needed was some sweetness. So I added sugar lots of it. About equal parts sugar and wine. Perfect LOST it, y'all. He was stomping, yelling, pretty sure he called me undeserving and wasteful! He told me the "wine" didn't deserve me. Whatever! I was about to have some delicious SWEET red wine. Then...DEAR SWEET GRANNY up in Heaven who told me not to take up drinking lest I come to ruin, you were right!!!!!! That was nasty! Not better!!! So yell, stomp, hold nose, 30 minutes, etc. Blood pressure rising, man losing his grip on the will to live. I believe my Facebook post that night was something like: "A spoonful of sugar does not help the wine go down." Also, I'm pretty sure I took to calling the wine some personal names and for that I'm truly sorry. I mean, I never met Mama Grape and I shouldn't have called her ugly. That was my bad. 4 more Facebook friends "disappeared."

Day 5: I got this now. I just need a combo deal. So I grabbed the measuring cup and measured out my 5 ounces of old wine because Perfect still refused to purchase new wine. Poured it in a glass. While Perfect was at this point probably consulting an attorney about having me put away, he was equally curious about what was left for me to do. And he was nervous. Very nervous. He said something about how he couldn't stand to watch it. So...I took my glass of wine, reached for the sugar, stirred in less than the night before. Perfect blew the top of his head right off, y'all! Not to be deterred, I went over to the fridge, added ice to my concoction and... "Perfect, Perfect!! Are you OK?? Wake up! Honey, are you in there? Should I dial 911? Help!" He was in a heap on the floor, twitching like he had been shocked. Eventually I got him back but that was a close one! He almost missed my "nose holding, stomping, 30 minutes, etc ritual." My Facebook post that night said something about "How neither ice nor sugar were still my friend" and that the next night I would be mixing in delicious iced Dr. Pepper." Also, I'm pretty sure I said something rather judgy and not very Christian to all my wine drinking friends about their taste level being lacking. Again, that was my bad. I meant to say OTHER wine drinkers that I didn't know. 7 less friends. Oops.

Day 6. I have a plan. Um, where's the wine? Perfect, barely recovered from the previous evening, sat me down for a talk. An "intervention" if you will. He said he didn't like me when I drank. That we couldn't afford my habit and if I didn't stop, he was pretty sure I was going to die. He didn't say the words exactly, but I distinctly get the feeling he meant he might have a hand in my passing. He said I had to give it up for the sake of our marriage and he couldn't keep "cleaning up" my leftovers. He pointed out that I was obnoxious to my friends and they too were concerned. So, I've given up my drinking habit for the good of my family and my Facebook friend count. I now get fired on Facebook for entirely other reasons. It's been several years now and I think I've been forgiven. I told a friend this story the other day and I had another genius solution. I told her I should get a box of wine, freeze it and then just cut off a chunk every night. I just invented WINESICLES!!!! Let's see if Perfect goes for it. I'm not real hopeful.

Well, I think that's what occurred. I may have embellished a bit. The memory is fuzzy. That's what happens after 5 straight days of drinking...5 ounces a day. It gets you in trouble. So I'm back to delicious Dr. Pepper on the rocks. To those of you who went through this with me and still love me, I thank you. It was a hard period for all of us but we made it through.

Scripture Shaming Nonsense

Christians. we've all been there. We've somehow found ourselves on the wrong side of Sister Bertha Better Than You or Brother Buster Better Sinner. Sometimes it's because you have offended one of them and sometimes because they don't like you. But rest assured, if you have not yet been a victim of this phenomenon, it's coming. "What is it," you ask?

SCRIPTURE SHAMING!!

This is the act of tossing out a scripture as though it were a grenade and hoping for some damage, or aiming it at the heart of one shameful sinner as though you were a sharp shooter. This newly connected world we live in makes it so much easier. In ye olden days, the shamer would have to come to you house and yell it at your door from the yard or go to the trouble to write it down and waste a stamp.

The best scripture shamers I've encountered are preachers. They can be the best and most skilled but certainly they are not the only scripture shamers. I had one whose sermon every week was personalized to some shameful sinner in the congregation. I had to march out in anger more times than I can count. I was always tempted to grab my Moses robe and beard and march down the aisle singing "let my people go..." But it's HARD to come back from a Masterful Moses Shaming, so I have not yet done it. Plus, I'm pretty sure that sort of behavior makes Jesus cry. Or at least consider it. Because Scripture doesn't say don't be angry. It says "in your anger, do not sin." (Ephesians 4:26) Pretty sure that would be sin. Almost positive.

So that leads me to social media. When you toss a scripture out generally, that YOU KNOW that SOMEONE ELSE WILL KNOW is aimed at their specific thing that is going on in their life, it is wrong. It's wrong enough when you do it face to face. But these days we like to go on our social media sites and throw them there. All of our friends will know we are very holy and love the Word, but the three or four we just hit with a grenade will be hurt. God doesn't want us to use His word to purposefully hurt one another. To convict, yes. But if you want to convict someone, that's not your job. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict. (John 16:8.) 

Rightfully used, the Word of God is a weapon all right, and many times (if not most) the Holy Spirit will use it to convict us of our sin. But it's not a grenade to be carelessly tossed to leave shrapnel and destruction everywhere. "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12. It is all you need and a sword is not a weapon of mass destruction  it is a weapon for close up work. 

I am a believer. If you are my brother or sister and you see me in sin, it is your job to help me see my error. "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted." Galatians 6:1. Just remember, I am much less likely to listen to you if you shoot me in a drive-by or blow me up.

For the record, this post is not written to shame any scripture shamer, thereby making for a double shaming. That would be shameful. It's just a thing I've noticed on Twitter, Facebook and the like and today, I just had a chance to sit down and address it. To shame a shamer by shaming would be utter nonsense and I don't participate. I'm the Queen after all. I know better. If you feel led to post scripture on your personal page because it spoke to you and you think it would do so to others, please post it! Every time. But be sure your intentions are right.

LOVEY'ALLMEANIT! 

Avoiding Social Media Nonsense

Ten year old Donna could never have even imagined the world we live in today. Such innocent times I grew up in. I grew up with no car seat, often nekkid in a creek, running a Girl Scout Cookie Mafia, going to church, visiting family and their churches, swimming, catching my own bait and fishing, living on a dirt road "exploring," talking, riding bikes, being tortured by my little sister, conspiring against her with my cousin, talking, singing, singing in any church I could, digging holes and getting in trouble for it. (Turns out, adults don't appreciate a proper hole in their roads...something about shocks and u-joints or something.)We spent our weekends at the deer camp (usually with family) where the children had to be "outside" regardless of the temperature or weather patterns, on a deer stand or at the rifle range. It was a time before many of the conveniences and technologies of today. I was just myself because I didn't know I could be anyone else, nor could I have even begun to imagine how one would do that or why? What you saw was what you got. Not a single person on this planet (except for my Grannies and my Pawpaw) hung on my every word and no one asked to see a picture of what my Mama cooked up for supper. (At our house we had supper, not dinner. That was for high fa-looting city people.) People in my very small world knew the real me. My likes, my dislikes, my faith and how I wore my hair every day. They knew that I was never still and that I was a talker. When I got a new toy, I told everyone I knew and they knew what it looked like because they had one too. If I was excited, I was excited!!! Everywhere!

 I grew up in a time where my Daddy's policy was "What everyone else thinks about me is none of my business." He was always himself. Always. Everywhere. All day. Every day. While I didn't go to work with him, I was often surrounded and loved by those he worked with. I heard their stories. Don't like him? He didn't care. He was a hard working, well respected and honorable man. His word was good and his handshake was as good as his word. For reals. He was always the same person. The light he shined was "man's man." No shadows.

Fast forward a few...lot...of years. We now live in a world where you can be anything you want to be. Maybe not in real life, but in the online world you can create an image that may or may not be the real you. There are entire virtual worlds dedicated to allowing people to be someone else. Not satisfied with who you really are? No problem. You are not bound by your looks, your weight, your job or economic status. You can role play online and make a virtual "who you wish you were" and get a second life or whatever is popular now.

We also have bunches of social media sites where we have "friends" or "followers" or what have you.. Many of them are very popular, there are new ones every day. and much like being seen on the the nerd side of Sonic, heaven forbid you get caught logging into one who's "out." I have an account on most of them and check in every now and then. As a parent, it's my responsibility to stalk my children and to know where they hang out, even online. Also, I'm a people-ish person. I like to keep up.

Lately, I've become convicted about something and I thought I'd share it with you. Here's my first huge realization: I choose the light I shine before this world. My real world AND also my online world.

As a child, my life was one big open life. As modern adults, we compartmentalize our worlds (home, neighborhood, work, church, weekends, hobbies, spare time, etc.)We really don't mix it up much anymore, at least not in my 'burb. We have different people who see and participate in different areas of life. So very few people really, really know me these days and that is hard. Especially when your opinion of me is not the same as my opinion of me.  I believe that I choose who you think I am, what you think I do, where you think I go, what I want you to think my passions and hobbies are and how much about my life you get to know. I can choose to weight it any way I choose.

There's another thing I noticed the other day while perusing Facebook, I noticed that what I think of many people is largely determined by what they post and the frequency and weight they give their "stuff." For example, there are people I truly assume just sit in their house watching "Duck Dynasty" all day. Do they sleep? I don't know. There are people I mistakenly believe live and die for the product they are selling. There are some who I believe live in utter despair because that's what they share with me. There are people who are grandparents and that is all they are anymore. There are runners, gossips, drinkers, crafters, knitters, potty-mouths, brainiacs, funny people, people of faith, people of no faith, pet people, dieters, complainers, scripture quoters, sad people, perpetually happy people, parents, artists, preachers, students...you get the gist. But in my mind, they are very one dimensional. I only know of them what they choose for me to know.

Which led to my second revelation: I only control what they see, I don't control their opinion of me. I control the flashlight but I can't control the shadows that are cast. I can minimize the negative that is out there by being very careful what I share publicly.

To most of my "friends," I am one dimensional. If you only know me online, you know I have a twisted sense of humor, have puppies and have no problem being a ridiculous person on this planet. You know that I'm a Longhorn fan. You know I say I love Jesus, but you can't know if I walk the walk. You know I love people, and their kids and grandkids. I love their pictures. You also know I'm married to Mr. Perfect. I'm almost never publicly down, a few organizations that I'm passionate about and some authors I follow. You know I'm sassy and I don't generally use foul language. You will know that I have kids. You might know their ages or have see their pictures.  But that's about it.

If we attend church together, and we "chat" for 3 minutes every couple of weeks, if we run into each other on occasion or sometimes end up out with a group together, you will know a bit more. You will know I have a weight problem and that I don't always act like is a problem (trust me, it is) that I used to run a Women's Ministry and you might have noticed I don't drink coffee and have a big Dr. Pepper problem.You might even know the names of my children and that I'm proud of them. You may think that I'm an emotional robot with no feelings. You might assume, based on other people you've known, that I'm judgmental and have never sinned.

 Come a little closer, say if you're someone who is in Bible Study or in a volunteer organization with me. You will know I'm opinionated. Strong willed. Tenacious. That I really work hard to practice what I preach and that I am always at war with my hair. You know that I'm so proud of my babies that I could bust. You know I'm not only a Longhorn fan, but I hate sports on TV. You know I'm endlessly fascinated with what most people consider minutiae. And that I'm still a talker. You will assume that I don't wear my hear on my sleeve, but you'll know that I care about "people."I begin to take on a second dimension and I'm not what you expected.

But if you are one of the few who KNOW me, really know me, you will know so much more. I then become a real girl. You will know that my heart only truly breaks when I think that the heart of God is breaking. You will know that I'm aware that the person guilty of it is often me. You will know my children. You will know that when their hearts break, I've got the car gassed and ready to roll to "handle it" Mama style and I only don't do that because I've been forbidden. You'd know why I'm proud of them. You would know that one of them rarely allows me to speak of him on Facebook because he doesn't think I'm as funny as I think I am. You will know that I am a Longhorn fan because I'm a Longhorn married to a Longhorn and I'm terrified of stadiums because of that one time. You will know that I'm self-conscious. You'll know that I'm not good at showing emotions and I will almost never (only once) lose control of my emotions but they are there and they are strong.You will know that that sassy is sometimes covering up insecurity and that I am often almost eaten alive by those insecurities. You will learn to recognize when I'm NOT saying what I wish I was saying because I am very opinionated and outspoken and sometimes it physically hurts to shut up. You will know I'm learning to keep my mouth shut. Learning. You'll know I rarely suffer fools and generally know how to handle my business because my Daddy raised me not to need anyone. You'll also know that Perfect is my rock and I desperately need him and love him second only to God. You will know that I will walk through hell barefoot to try to drag out one methhead or alcoholic or depressed person or abused child (or almost anyone who need it) with me. You will know that to me they are simply people, just like me. You will know that I'm unshockable. You will feel the mercy. You will know I can't judge. You will know I struggle and come from a family that is no stranger to addiction. You will know my past. You will know that I have a will of iron and a backbone of steel and that if I am crashing, it's a BIG deal. You will know my Mama and my sister. You will also know that I stink at small talk and am almost incapable of it.  Awkwardness and social anxiety runs high in this one. You probably don't understand my fascination with politics and the law but you know I sometimes like to sit in court hearings and trials for no reason. You'll know that the things that terrify me are small to most people and the things that terrify most people usually don't bother me at all. You will know that I'm a loyal friend forever and I've never lost a real friend. You will know that I'm fanatical about knowing and understanding God's Word. I love theology. I love to hang out in the Christian Book Store in the Pastor section. I love Jesus with everything I have every day. You will also know there are dark days where I wish I could stay in bed and there are days filled with pain. You will know that I am actually funny. That I can sing and am a compulsive harmonizer. That I am a frustrating, complicated, beautiful bundle of me. I sin. You will know that I'm a real girl. You will also know that I'm not just a woman AND a broad, I'm also a lady. These are people who don't just "see" my posts. They "see" me and I "see" them. They are relationships sown and watered and cultivated in real live life and over time.

 The point of all of that is this: Don't assume you know people you don't know. Try not to judge them by the small slice of their life you are privy to. They, like you, like me, are so much more. Good and not so good.

Lastly: When you make posts on social media, blogs or whatever, remember that you are heavily influencing what people think of you and for those who aren't in your inner circle, that is the light that will shine brightest. If you are a child of God, please shine your faith the brightest. And if you ever get the feeling that I'm shining anything else brighter than my Savior, call me on it. Because I need you to know that He loves you. That He died for you to save you from a real and actual hell and that I really do, after all these years, believe it with all of my heart. And after that, I really don't care too much what you think of me, It's none of my business.

Still Putting Up With Nonsense

Wisdom from this old woman: Sometimes we are fickle, fickle people. Sometimes people won't like you. Sometimes you will spend years giving to people content to take. Sometimes you will listen to the troubles of people who are at the bottom of life till your ears bleed and when you try to give them words of life, they will slap you in the face. There will be times when you try to help and they will want not only what you gave but what you kept. There will be people who say things about you that aren't true. There will be times some of these people will try to destroy your character. But here's the deal. SO WHAT? You live your life for Christ. You comport yourself in such a manner that anyone who's paying attention will know that lies aren't the truth. You don't exist to please man. You will go crazy trying. You minister to "the least of these" because your Savior told you to do so, not for accolades here on Earth. When those who hurt you come running back for help that you are able to give, what should you do if you are hurt or tired or DONE? Help them anyway. Don't hold grudges. Let it go. Be generous and kind anyway. You will be taken advantage of again. So what. The blessing will still be the same. Jesus reminds me daily that it doesn't matter what I think of people. They are His and He loves them and so should I. Period

There does come a time when, the words of Matthew 10:14 come into play. Just be sure that the conviction comes from the right place. "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. " I can only do that when I have peace. Until I have peace, I'm still there. Even if it hurts.

Tremble!

Oh Thursday...this particular Thursday every year, I can almost feel the ground begin to tremble with the weight of what was to come very shortly in the earthly life of Jesus. Even knowing the pain and betrayal that was to come, our servant Savior would humble Himself to wash the feet of the disciples thus teaching them to be humble and to serve even when life is tough. He instituted the Lord's Supper, Holy Communion and implored them, "Remember Me." He was then betrayed by Judas for thirty pieces of silver, the going rate for a slave in those days...a slave!. He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. He asked that if possible He be spared what was to come, but was prepared to die the ugliest of deaths for our sin. He was arrested and still took the time to put the ear back on the guard that impetuous Peter had cut off in anger. That same Peter betrayed him...HIS Peter! He was questioned by Pilate still remaining humble and mostly silent. The people yelled, "CRUCIFY HIM!" Our ugly, heinous sin demanded the highest of price tags. But we were deemed worth it to our Savior. He loved you passionately that day. Today, pause, read the Word, soak it in. Remember! Oh friend, can you feel the tremble begin?

Time to re-visit the Easter Circus!

It's getting close to Easter. The time of year where Christians pause to remember the death of our Savior and praise Him for the sacrifice. We are humbled by the price paid to redeem our souls from hell. We spend time in meditation thinking about the heart of a Father that would sacrifice His only son for such unworthy beings. This is the holiest of all of our Christian holy days. Without Easter, there would be no reason for any of the rest. Or a Church. Or anything else in Christendom.

So why do we also cheapen it with taking as much "Church" out of church as we can, dumb down our messages that day or use it as an excuse to inflate our rolls (remember "Great Day in the Morning," Southern Baptist Church Growth Movement?) I've been disturbed by what I refer to as the "Easter Circus" for many years. So this week, I thought I would re-post a couple of my Easter posts. Be warned, they are a bit rant-y. I intended to go back and edit these but that hasn't happened yet (because I up and got myself a life. More on that later.)

This first post is from way back in 2009. This is not about any one local church and more about the universal Church. I love the Church, I love MY church, God has called me to the Church, I serve in a Church (that has changed since the original was written, you may notice) I am not attacking the church in any way, but I do feel the need to sound the alarm: CHURCH, WAKE UP!

Rants...Easter Circus...Rant...Regenerate Membership- After rereading this there is so much more I'd like to say. Some of the ideas need to be better fleshed out and better explained, such as "hospital for sinners not haven for saints." I will probably re-write this one some day soon, but for now, if you know me and know my heart, you'll understand it.

Disclaimer: The usual disclaimer also fits here. These rants are my own, the opinions are my own and may or may not reflect the feelings of Mr. Perfect. Please don't hold him responsible or accountable for the opinions of his saucy, spicy, super cute, "question-asking-tell-it-like-it-is, strong-warrior-woman, stream-of-consciousness-blogger for Jesus" wife.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 2013!!!

Happy 2013!! 

It's January 1st  (or probably 2nd by the time I get this posted) and time to say hello to you guys. A very cool thing has been happening. The blog has developed quite an international following and I've been super curious who you all are. Lots of you in Russia, Israel and Italy. Several from Australia, Germany, Slovakia and the UK. Even more than a few from Canada, Vietnam, France, Ukraine and Poland, just to name a few. Of course I cherish and treasure you precious fellow Americans and I have an extra dash of "yee-haw" for my fellow Texans. If you have a few minutes, I'd love to hear from you. Introduce yourself. To help you know a little about me (if you haven't gleaned all of this by now) I'll give you a brief introduction.

I'm Donna. I'm a woman of a certain age, and a recent empty-nester. My oldest child is in her last semester of college and will soon graduate and go on to graduate school. She's beautiful, kind-hearted, and smart and all of those things a mom would think of her baby girl. They also happen to all be true. My youngest, my baby boy, is a freshman in college this year. He's cool and quiet (reserved, is a better word, I guess,) musical, intelligent and tenderhearted. I'd say more but he prefers to remain humble. I've been married for 23 years to Mr. Perfect. To me, he's super hot! He's a godly man and I love him with all my heart. For some reason he puts up with me and loves me well. ( I've included a few pictures of my "babies" and my man.) 

(Waiting at the doctor's office. They love each other enough to sit through the nightmare of a waiting room.)

I've been leading the Women's Ministry at my church, Pin Oaks Christian Fellowship, in the small town of Anna, TX for the last 2 years, almost exactly to the day. I had no idea what that would look like when I said yes, but I love it! It's the hardest, most heartbreaking and most rewarding thing I've ever done. To follow your calling is not an easy path, but there is much peace in knowing you're following God's path for you. I get to go to Bible Study, talk to people about Jesus, be an un-official life coach and   "go to lunch" or "coffee" and call it my "job." I don't even like coffee, but I am all about some hot chocolate!

I love Jesus with all of my heart. I'd love for you to have a personal relationship with my Savior, who not only died for my sin but for yours too. He is the son of God. He was crucified for our sin and raised from the dead three days later. That is the most amazing story every told. I'm constantly amazed at the depravity of humanity yet His love for us in never changing. We can never go too far. There is no sin too great for his forgiveness. No soul too sinful for salvation. So I'll leave you with this scripture from God's Word. I hope it speaks to you today. Now, who are you? Yes...I mean you. Leave me a comment. I look forward to it!

 "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 4: 16-18

Fed up on Facebook? My manifesto...so to speak.

I shared this on my Facebook page this summer and I decided to share it here too. It's just all about me. Wanna know me? This is me. I won't edit it for now, I'll post it as is. Enjoy. Comment. I'd love to hear from you.

OK, don't say I didn't warn you. This is Facebook, not FaithFreeBook. This odd little place where you and I meet is an interesting experiment. It's a place where some people share every thought that passes through their mind, and some people just watch. Some people share their faith and politics. Some people complain about people sharing their faith and politics. I love all of it. If I either sent

 you a friend request or accepted yours it's because you are someone I care about and I care to know you better. These things help me know you. However, if you will give me your ear for a few minutes, I'd like to share a few thoughts with you. Then you can do with me as you wish. I assure you this is in no way personal nor aimed at any one person.

I love Jesus. I believe He is the Son of God. I believe he died on the cross for my sin. I believe in eternal life. I am a passionate, sold out, freak for Jesus. I gave my life to Him when I was young and that has never changed. My life is dedicated to His service. I had the privilege to grow up in a church and have a family that taught me to think for myself and to search things out for myself. "Test all things," if you will. I have done that. I am not a sheep. I do not blindly follow any man. If you know me at all, you know my stubborn nature would simply not allow me to blindly follow any man. I care for you. I believe in heaven and I want you there. YOU SHOULD BE OFFENDED IF I AM NOT SHARING MY FAITH WITH YOU, NOT THAT I AM. My decisions and passions are informed by my understanding of Scripture. I wake up and attempt every day to put on the full armor of God and to grow in the grace and the knowledge of God's Word. That said, I love you. I do not hate you. I don't hate anyone. Not even those who hate me. My Jesus tells me to love them too, so I do and I promise you it's brought more rewards than punishment. It isn't easy though. However, I assure you I can also flip over the tables if need be. If you only think Jesus exists only to love and tolerate all things, we don't know the same Jesus. However, I'd love to converse about it with you.

That said, there are THINGS I can not approve of. But make no mistake, while I may not approve of people's actions or the actions of a business or institution, I love you. Period. My heart is hurt however by all of the divisiveness I see. Politics and religion divide. I understand it, I just wish it weren't so. If you've known me 10 minutes in real life, you know I am passionate about both. Many of you are on the other side of the spectrum from me. I appreciate that most of you are very respectful and we have great conversations. Knowing we differ doesn't offend me, it may make me sad, but it doesn't offend me. If you accuse me of being hateful, THAT offends me. I hate things (not people) I believe to be sinful. That starts with my own, though I promise you I'm working on it. You can love me and hate my sin. My Mama has managed to do it for years, as have many of you. I feel the same way about "you."

If you differ politically, I don't hate you simply because I disagree. I am passionate about what I do believe, and you are free to do the same. It helps me know you. Our founding Fathers gave us the right to speak freely and that includes ALL of us, not just people who share your opinions.

So please stop yelling at me (or on your feed) when you disagree. Please stop thinking Christians are hateful because we are not approving of things we can not believe are OK- you'd think us hypocrites if we didn't stand for our beliefs, and rightfully so. Also, please know that some things are not both faith and politics. (I'm a HUGE 2nd amendment proponent and it does not negate my faith one bit.) If you think something is not OK, feel free to exercise your first amendment rights. I will read it and give it thought. I won't hate you. Please know however, that if you are mean I will hide you, if you slander my Jesus, I will hide you. I still won't hate you. Feel free to respectfully disagree with me, but don't expect to change my mind. I'm too old and (honestly) too well read and educated in my faith to be argued into a different life, but I really do respect that you care enough about me to try. If you are of a different faith, I expect you to talk about it too. It doesn't offend me. You go ahead. You comment on my Jesus posts about your beliefs and we'll have a great respectful conversation. I'm going to keep on being my sassy self (and YES!!I"m going to keep on preaching about Christians and lady porn and anything else I feel necessary.)

OK, now feel free to either hide me, or if you must, unfriend me. But before you do, copy down my phone number and email address (I've changed it from my Facebook one to my real one just for you.) We don't have to meet here. You may free yourself from knowing one more thing about me, my family, my dogs, my politics or my religion. But if you ever miss me, even just a little...pick up the phone and call. I will probably want to talk to you about my Jesus, but I will try to let you get a word in edgewise.

"Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6 This is why I care.

Dear Former English Teachers, please excuse my stream-of-consciousness writing, bad grammar and anything else that needs excusing. You did teach me better, I just got in a hurry...as usual. :-)

You Can Get Right Out

Tonight, I've been studying in the Book of Jude. It's an often ignored book of the Bible chock full of history, warnings about apostasy, false teachers and other cool stuff. The part where it talks about the Archangel Michael arguing with Satan over the bones of Moses caused me to put this comment in my Bible: "Say WHAT? Cool." I promise you this is the only place where I've written "Say WHAT" in my Bible. My mind began to wander and so I began to try to write a little ditty to summarize Jude and write it to the tune of "Hey Jude." That's a work in progress but it reminded me of another time I composed a little ditty set to a different tune. By the way, if you'd like to read one of several posts I've written about false teachers, here's one: If You Miss The Rant-y Donna You'll Love This!

A few years ago, our pastor was preaching a sermon on marriage. The special music that day was (I lie to you not) "We Can Work It Out" Beatles version. If you aren't familiar with the lyrics, here's a sample:

Try to see it my way Do I have to keep on talking Till I can't go on? While you see it your way, Run the risk of knowing that Our love may soon be gone. We can work it out We can work it out

Can you believe it? Not exactly the prescription for a godly marriage. As the worship leader is singing all I can do is think about The Beatles declaring themselves "bigger than God" and here they were being glorified in His house. Plus at the time Michael Jackson owned the song and we know he was not a Christian. So I was LIVID! So I re-wrote it and I thought I'd share a little bit (all I can remember) with you. If you wonder what I'm doing when something in God's house makes me want to be all rant-y but decorum requires me to be quiet, now you know. I'm probably ranting away to some tune in my head.

You Can Get Right Out- Queen Of Nonsense (Now you see how I earned this name) I won't see it your way. Michael Jackson owns this song and he don't love the Lord. Now it's up in my church, And you're ignoring lots of godly really great love songs. We can't work it out. You can get right out.

Church discipline...Oh my!

Church discipline has always been an interesting idea for me. Churches used to be very serious about it. I remember the first time I read about the punishment stool used for members under discipline. I thought, "I'm not showing up to church to sit on the naughty stool and wear a dunce hat or whatever...who does that???"

I know several people who've been disciplined by their modern church. In every instance they've been tossed out of their church without any of the Matthew 18 protocol attempted. They've all been guilty of the same offense, disagreeing with their Pastor. In every instance I have personal knowledge of, the Pastor just punted them. There was never a chance of reconciliation. I have personally disagreed with my Pastors several times over the years. I've always tried to be very respectful to the person who is my spiritual leader. On at least one occasion I failed, and was shown love and mercy...not a punt. So while, I totally understand biblical discipline, I haven't seen it well done. I think for the most part, it is not done...especially not for biblical reasons.

This new series of posts being done by the iMonk should be interesting. I don't know where he's going with it, but I'm interested and I thought you might be too.

http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/where-is-church-discipline-when-you-need-it-part-1-a-better-approach

Rants...Easter Circus...rant...regenerate membership

You know I've been concerned about the state of the church for a long time. I've written about it very vaguely and not specifically because there are a lot of places you can read about statistics and churchy stuff and if you look at what is happening to some of our denominations, you might be surprised. I don't get into theology and doctrine here because there are so many others out there doing a great job of it. Trust me, while I love this stuff, I'm not qualified to be a "theology" blogger. I'm a "question-asking-tell-it-like-it-is, strong-warrior-woman, stream-of-consciousness-blogger for Jesus." I don't think this makes me worthless to the kingdom. I am about as conservative in my understanding on women in ministry as you can get, or so I thought. More on that a little later.



***Note: I'm going to talk to the church here. If you're not a member of "the body" I'm going to politely ask you to close your eyes and hit the X . Thank you. I'm talking about the "SBC church universal" not necessarily my local church, so if you are reading this and getting huffy, ask yourself if your local body could be a bit guilty. The SBC is all I know, so I can only speak on it and not other denominations. Some of them go too far the other way. There is also much more good than bad, I believe, but this isn't a post about the good. But I defend them, ask anyone.***



Mr.Perfect is constantly telling me that just because I have something to say doesn't mean anyone wants to hear it. He's right 99.3% of the time (the other .7% is when he disagrees with me.) So I've been making a concerted effort to keep the majority of my concerns to myself. I think this is giving me an ulcer, and making me cranky and frowny. I never know who reads this so I have in the past been very careful what I say so as not to offend anyone. If you know me well, you know that offending people is one of my spiritual gifts (I'm kidding, don't get offended.) It is never my intention to offend anyone but sometimes being "plain-spoken" is offensive. I think being purposely offensive and mean is wrong. So I am truly not trying to offend you but I think the following needs to be said. I was hoping someone else would say it for me, but it looks like it's gonna be me. (Of course.)



CHURCH, FOR REALS? WAKE UP!

1) We seem to be mostly concerned with how many butts are in the seats and on the rolls. The Southern Baptist Church (my people) are very proud that they are a body of churches with a regenerate membership, yet many of those believers can't be found. We keep them on the rolls forever, whether we've seen them in 20 years or not. Some of them we see the day we dunk 'em and not again until we plant 'em. This keeps our numbers up. Does Jesus care if we are the largest denomination? We like to make mega-churches that are full of pastor worshipping people. Because some of our churches are personality driven, not Word driven, we can have a dunk 'em and ditch 'em mentality. The thought at those churches is that there is no need for discipleship other than the preaching because a) only the pastor can be trusted to know the Word well enough to teach it and b) we can't ask people to give their time to come to church and learn the Word, they are too busy these days. I call foul!



2) We call ourselves New Testament churches. The New Testament church (correct me if I'm wrong) was a church of believers. It was a tough time for believers, but the church (body not fabulous building) was their home. We've become more concerned with being sure that the unbeliever is at home and comfortable in our buildings than making a home of any kind for believers. The unbeliever should always be welcome (not in leadership...I can't believe I have to mention that) but never comfortable! If I hear one more time that the church is "a haven (or hospital) for sinners NOT a home for saints" my head just might explode!!



3) The Holy Spirit doesn't need us to throw a circus for Him to be able to do His job. Did your church have a (figurative) circus for Easter? Did you hire (figurative) clowns and(figurative) tight rope walkers to come? Did you have the Easter bunny come out and hide eggs so that the "lost" will come and bring their children... so then you can sneak up behind them with a pool of water and dunk em? OK, admittedly that's a little extreme. But how far is too far? Is paying $100 to the church member who brings the most visitors going too far? Is giving a gift to everyone who comes to your church going to far? Is paying people $10 per hour to attend your church going too far? I wonder how churches survived before they discovered the "seeker" model?



4) Women are precious to Jesus. They seem to be less precious as leaders to the SBC. I don't believe women should be pastors. I feel the Word is clear about that. I struggled with having a woman as worship leader and one of my dearest friends is one...kind of. Because she's in a SBC church, she does all the work of a worship leader. She has more musical talent than the rest of her church all combined, but she isn't allowed to be called staff or even have the title "Worship Leader." Her ministry has no input when plans are being shaped. She has a whole lot of responsibility but no authority. Men in her position are staff.



5) No one ministers to women like another woman. I believe that it is a very specific and God-called ministry. In the past 14 years this is where I spent the majority of my time. I've noticed a trend. If you feel God has called you to be a Women's Ministry Leader and your husband is not in ministry you will likely have a hard time. I suppose God only calls people to ministry in pairs. I've witnessed this several times now personally and so I did a little research. There is a feeling among some Pastors that only women who have a "quiet and gentle spirit" are fit to serve. I wonder if this is because if you're a meek and mild mouse you will just do as told and not make any waves or ask any questions? If you are a "question-asking-tell-it-like-it-is, strong-warrior woman for Jesus" you may be feeling like a heathen headed for hell because of your personality. This has been true for me, but it's also true for many others. Jesus sure seemed to have a different attitude toward women than many churches.



I have more to say, but this seems like a good stopping point. If you're offended, please leave me a comment and give me some insight. I'd love to have some understanding of the "why" or some scriptural backup for any of it. I'm that cranky old man and I'm tired of all this junk on my lawn! And, reluctantly, because of all this and the fact that being frowny makes wrinkles, I must put my beloved SBC ON NOTICE! (I'm sure other denominations are on notice too, but I don't have first hand knowledge and this was family business.)

Is America a Christian Nation?

I'm asking the question because it's in the news today. Our President (who's ON NOTICE with me, you might remember) is in Turkey, a Muslim nation, telling them that we are NOT a Christian Nation. " And I've said before that one of the great strengths of the United States is -- although as I mentioned, we have a very large Christian population, we do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation; we consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values."
http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2009/04/obama_and_president_gul_of_tur.html


This quote is from a Newsweek article that came out Saturday
"It was a small detail, a point of comparison buried in the fifth paragraph on the 17th page of a 24-page summary of the 2009 American Religious Identification Survey. But as R. Albert Mohler Jr.—president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, one of the largest on earth—read over the document after its release in March, he was struck by a single sentence. For a believer like Mohler—a starched, unflinchingly conservative Christian, steeped in the theology of his particular province of the faith, devoted to producing ministers who will preach the inerrancy of the Bible and the Gospel of Jesus Christ as the only means to eternal life—the central news of the survey was troubling enough: the number of Americans who claim no religious affiliation has nearly doubled since 1990, rising from 8 to 15 percent. Then came the point he could not get out of his mind: while the unaffiliated have historically been concentrated in the Pacific Northwest, the report said, "this pattern has now changed, and the Northeast emerged in 2008 as the new stronghold of the religiously unidentified." As Mohler saw it, the historic foundation of America's religious culture was cracking." http://www.newsweek.com/id/192583

I believe that we are a country founded on Judeo-Christian principles. I believe we have been in the past and are now a Christian Nation. I believe that we need to do all we can to hold on to that before we are just a country who used to be a Christian nation before we became "enlightened." This does not mean I believe we should be a theocracy. Evangelism, anyone? What do you think?

Repost: God says leave and cleave!!! Today's Nonsense winner is...

****Back in September, my friend Dalia asked me to write out her story as a warning to everyone. I did and she was able to remedy the situation once she saw it in print. Now, I''m re posting it because she is in need of a reminder and I thought it might be a good reminder for us all. ****

Dalia! So before you get all over me for spreading my friends business all over the entire www, she asked me to tell her story. Let this serve as a warning for all of you parents, soon to be parents, and grandparents. If you have babies or toddlers, I know they are cute now, but start setting those boundaries today. This could be you in a few years. Our Bible passage of the day comes from Genesis 2: 24. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."(NIV) In the King James it says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." In other words, LEAVE AND CLEAVE! You can't learn to cleave if you won't leave. Why would you ever need to learn to weather the storms of life together if there are never any storms?

As you know, I can be just a teeny bit bossy. If I know that you are breaking the law, I will turn you in. Then I will visit you in jail...maybe. As a rule, I don't put up with nonsense, except for my own...even if I am the Queen of Nonsense. People generally don't call me if they are doing something foolish and ask me what I think, because if you ask me...I will tell you. My friend Dalia can't seem to learn this, so occasionally she calls me in the middle of her foolishness. Now you need to understand that God only made a few hearts like Dalia's. She is one of the sweetest, most beautiful people I have ever met. She reminds me a lot of my Mom. She is a loyal friend and I believe she loves Jesus with all her heart. She is also a doormat. A beautiful doormat, but a doormat nonetheless.

Dalia is the Mommy to 3 grown sons. I use the word "Mommy," because she still babies them all. I have seen her leave an adult party to drive home and cook them a meal from scratch because they called and told her to. THEY WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND ALL HAD DRIVER'S LICENSES, JOBS AND CARS! They are now all adults. The youngest two still live at home, but one goes to college and they both have jobs.

The oldest one recently married and inherited an instant family. He lived at home until he got married. He has his own home now, but apparently, even so, they keep temporarily moving into Dalia's house without asking. She would rather be liked than happy, so she is letting them just live in her house. She is cooking for them, watching their kids and not asking one thing in return. She hasn't asked them why they are there because she doesn't want her son mad at her. She also won't tell them to leave. AAAGGGHHHH!!!I remember telling my Daddy I was mad at him one time. He was unconcerned with whether I was angry or not. He didn't stop to worry that I might not like him. He told me that I could "get glad in the same pants I got mad in." That is country speak for, "Watch your mouth. I don't care if you are mad. Get over it."

When Ashley was a baby I developed my parenting "mission statement." I didn't call it that, but I have quoted it enough over the years that both kids know it by heart. Mr. Perfect and I have set this standard, and I think it has worked. It goes like this: "It is not my job to be your friend. It is my God-given job and responsibility to be your parent. You will grow up to be a God-fearing, law-abiding, tax paying citizen of Earth. You may choose only whether you do it the easy way or the hard way. Either way, I'll go with you. I'm up to it. I love you!"

One of the things I first loved about Mr.Perfect is that he treated his mother like a queen. I wanted to be a queen, and I knew that he knew how to treat a woman because I witnessed it in them. They both think the other is perfect. She loves to spoil him and do special nice things for him. He loves to do nice things for her. It makes them both all happy inside. However, it is a treat and not an every day occurrence. He would never, ever take advantage of his mother. To him, she is a gift from God and should be revered as such. He would put her on the throne and meet her every need before she thinks of it, if he had the means. She would do the same for him, but she knows solving all his problems would keep him from being independent. I love their relationship. She is available for him any time he needs her, but she never meddles or butts in. They are an example I think everyone should follow.

Here is the Rant of the Day: It is not loving or kind to your children to set no boundaries and to let them just run all over you. It is not loving to never cut the cord when they are adults. It is not loving to allow adult children to take advantage of your kindness. It is not loving to allow your son to teach your grand babies to run all over you. It is not kind to allow your Grandsons to grow up thinking women are nothing more than their servants. It is not loving to "baby" your adult children and meet their every need before they have a chance to be independent and work things out on their own. It is not loving to let your adult offspring be children! It is abusive and a strong godly woman will not allow herself to be treated in such a manner by anyone, much less her son. She is setting an example and she will not want her daughter in law to be treated this way. Your adult children cannot learn how to have a successful marriage if they have a "mommy" in the middle.

So, obviously I had to put Dalia ON NOTICE! She is a fearfully and wonderfully made woman of God who needs to grow a backbone. She wants you all to comment and give her some ideas as to how to get her son and his family out of the house. (OK, she thought you would all tell her how sorry you felt for her, but I told her this audience would probably not come to the pity party.)

Here is my suggestion: On a large fluorescent pink poster board, write the following in large letters and attach it to your front door. Then there can be no confusion.

HOUSE RULES FOR ADULT CHILD WITH HIS OWN APARTMENT:
1) Love you. Mean it!
2) GO HOME NOW.
3) Call next time before you VISIT.
4) GO Home NOW! You should have left before you got to this line. Now GO!!!