Spiritual Abuse Nonsense

"In the past, I've never looked at you as your weight. But from now on, when I look at you, your weight is all I will see." 

Woah! Shocking? Sticks and stones may break my bones but those words still sometimes haunt me. And that was a bit ago. Spiritual abuse is the topic today. And we are overcoming it!

So, let's talk about Spiritual Abuse. And let's try to do it in a godly way. Because it is real, it is devastating and it is evil. And scripture has a lot to say, And so do I. Because I am a victim and also a survivor. I pray to God I've never been a perpetrator. Let's also examine what is NOT abuse. And it will be a rough read and raw. I'm going to tell you about some real events. It won't be pretty. But hang on. Jesus always  holds us in His hand. Always.

Victim is not a word I would ever use to describe myself, as a rule. I am a survivor and an over comer. I am sassy and fierce and a rock! I have walked through hell and back and if you remember, I Don't Even Want To Smell Of Smoke. I do not sit around and wallow, for the most part. I don't ask anyone to feel sorry for me, which is good because I am not a person that people care to worry about too much. (Too sassy maybe? Too blunt, plainspoken? Yup. I get it, No shade throwing here. I can clearly take care of myself.) If I have a pity party, I am party of one in general. I am a "pick myself up by my bootstraps and man up" kind of girl. I am strong, I am invincible, I am...well you get it. Yet I  spent a few years, trying to get over some of the most hurtful things I've ever experienced in my life. I'm hoping to help you if you've been there. And if maybe you see yourself in the evil parts of this, it's not over for you. There is always forgiveness. And I'm still a work in progress. But I have forgiven. I have been forgiven. And I have found peace. 

Let's wade in easy and start with criticism,  Criticism isn't always abuse.  And it can even be well meaning,  It doesn't always come from an evil person who intends harm. I think. I mean, don't we all know how to fix other people? The log in "their" eye is so obvious! Let's help "them!" Hurt feelings be damned! (To hell ya'll. I'm not a potty mouth. Don't write to my <redacted> and tell <redacted> I've converted to crass language. <Redacted> tried to help me think of a better word. Disregarded? Danged? Ignored? None really make the point. I'm leaving the word in and your objection has been noted and reported to management.) I want to start this thing off with this example from my own life because I still find it downright funny. A pastor's wife needed to meet with me, come along side me, if you will. She was not rude or condescending. Just to the point. Her concern? My weight. She wouldn't admit that it was a problem for her. Her issue, she said, was that it didn't seem to be a problem for me. I carried myself like a " regular" size person. I seemed to like myself. As the Women's Bible Study Teacher and Youth High School Girl's Teacher, I was clearly sending an ungodly message, as a leader (bless my heart) that God was OK with being overweight. Um...no. That is not the message I was trying to send. The message I was trying to live out was that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am a daughter of the King, made in  the image of GOD ALMIGHTY,  and I am also one who is struggling but will not walk with my head down in shame. WHAT? My God is not a Good of shame. Scripture says: 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I KNOW THAT FULL WELL." Psalm 139:14. 

"Then God said, 'Let Us make man in our own image, in our likeness...'" "So God created Mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and FEMALE He created them." Genesis 1: 26-27 

These verses tell me who I am. No person gets to do that. But I also don't pretend a weight problem is not a problem and can even be sin. (This will be a theme as we go on.) And this woman didn't hurt my feelings. And to be sure, I addressed it in class lest anyone be led astray by my great hair (boy, do I miss it) and esteem. It led to a great discussion and no one was confused as to whether I was pleased with my weight. And we discussed the logs in our eyes. After all, scripture doesn't say not to judge, just be sure you're not guilty too. And this well put together woman had no log in her eye and her intent was honest, I think. This was not abuse. It was not mean. It was not bullying. I didn't enjoy it. So what? We don't have to get our drawers in a twst if there's no need. Try to get the "constructive" out and move on. 

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others. you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7: 1-2

I struggle with my weight. It's a life long struggle. I struggled with it before I even had anything to struggle with because it was my identity in my family. My sister was the "skinny one" so I was the "fat one" even though I wasn't really fat at all. "You're just chubby, honey," well, at least as far as any adult in my family was concerned. And they were very verbal my whole life so it is a hard shell I have there. I developed it early and it is hard to break through to cause harm. I have a mirror and I buy my clothes. I do not live in denial. I also have a doctor who keeps my feet on the ground and is not playing with me or my health. I also feel sure God wants us to have healthy bodies. Scripture doesn't really address weight loss. Probably because very few people had the privilege of "fat" back in that day. But about "fit," we have some direction.

 "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of The Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a HIGH price. So you must honor God with your body." I Corinthians 6: 19-20.

"Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship." Romans 12:1

I'm including this so you don't think I'm ignorant to the scripture. I don't pick and choose what I like. I am NOT saying it's good, or OK to be overweight. It's also not OK to pick on or make fun of people with that struggle any more than it is OK to do the same to anyone with any other struggle, or sin. God is not mean. He does not tell us to be mean. 

Here is a real life example of mean. And make no mistake, it's also abusive. I have a friend who is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He has personally invested in my family. He invests in the lives of others much more than his own. If there is any need, I mean ANY NEED, this man will help you out. No questions asked. He loves the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind and has dedicated his life to sharing that every way he can. EVERY WAY! He works in ministry. If you know him, you do not see his weight. It's likely you see all of those things I just mentioned and more. And I've also witnessed him being the butt of his boss's fat jokes. I've witnessed his boss belittling him and preaching publicly against his weight and his habits! I witnessed the boss going to an event held by my friend and doing pull ups on the beams from the ceiling while making fun of the fact that my friend probably couldn't do it. Who was his boss? His PASTOR! What does scripture say? A LOT! A small sampling:

"Toward the scorners He is scornful, but to the humble He gives favor." Proverbs 3:34

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such that is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29. 
That does not mean build up your muscles doing pull ups at the church pot luck y'all! It means to build up, lift up, encourage the BODY, our BROTHERS AND SISTERS. This is so abusive. It is tearing down. Suddenly people may begin to see you as your weakness and not your strength. Remember, this pastor, as well as you, are fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image! If this is a practice you see in your life or the life of someone you know, put a stop to it. Do not stand for it. Do not just walk out in disgust (as I did.) Go to your brother and show him his fault. Don't allow it to continue. It may take time, but a true person of God will appreciate you showing him or her their error. Be prepared to be disliked if necessary. Take a stand. And don't be afraid to apologize to your friend if you didn't do what was needed, even if it's 9 years later. 

In the Church the only sin we love to cast stones at more than the ones we aren't committing, are ones we've overcome. Addiction, abortion, weight issues and adultery, among others. No one is harder on a person who is overweight than a person who WAS overweight 5 minutes ago. And we can be MEAN about it while sounding like we're trying to help. ("Oh Honey, you have the most beautiful face, but I'm worried about your health. Have you tried {insert health/ diet supplement/ diet book/ celebrity diet popular at the moment here}?  I was HUGE, like you, until I discovered it! God used it to help me overcome my ungodly ways. It will save your life and you'll be as pretty as your face. You'll never need to eat again!") Ugh! 

("Donna, your weight talk is making me uncomfortable," you are likely saying by now. Don't worry. It's going to get worse then better. Well that's the intent. I'm not finished writing yet. So keep reading. Unless "fat" is a trigger for you. In that case, hit the X and go with God.)
So let's get to the ugly. Real ugly. Evil ugly. Then let's talk about the solutions. Because why point out a problem if you don't point out solutions.

"In the past, I've never looked at you as your weight. But from now on, when I look at you, your weight is all I will see." 

We, a group of 5 were together in a room. Four of us had made the other one, my boss, very unhappy and we were apologizing. Sincerely. Even though we had done nothing wrong but be misunderstood. Still, I had asked them to join me in apologizing because we had inadvertently hurt his feeling and I felt apology was the right thing to do. But he was mad. Very mad. Hulking out, scary, might rip my face off and wear my skin as a mask, mad. In all of my years in Church and in Ministry, I've never witnessed this. Usually, people apologize sincerely and the offended forgive. Not this day, not this man. Not my boss, who was also my pastor. This man could not control himself. And for me, it was terrifying My friend Kristine was one of those there that evening and she wrote about this incident twice. Once here: Glimpse of Being Fat and once here: Too Fat and Back- a glimpse of my journey of acceptance and healing. She's a gifted writer and I urge you to read it. 

I had been working as a volunteer Women''s Ministry Director on staff at a small church. And it had been very hard. I had been pushed as low as I could go. That had never happened before. I am generally not treated poorly. People are generally kind or at least nice to my face. I am not bullied or put down...to my face. I am also not a person who accepts abuse. I never understood those who stayed in abuse. I always thought I certainly wouldn't put up with it. Not for a minute. Until I did. Impossible demands? No problem, I'll meet them. Lots of yelling at me then apology and asking forgiveness? I forgive.  I would quit my "job"and then change my mind. Seeds of discord were planted behind my back and I was made to apologize to anyone who didn't like my decisions. Then I had to try to make them happy. No problem, it costs me nothing to apologize and it keeps the peace, was my thinking. Making sure that I knew I had no voice with the church leadership because he was their leader happened often. Forced to try to please every single person? Yup. He acted like we were friends one minute and enemies the next. So confusing. Such a whiplash of confusing emotions. If someone gossiped, there was "gossip in the Women's Ministry" and all of leadership was alerted to my failure before I was.  Was I blameless? I honestly have no idea so I can't claim to be blameless. My personality was certainly shut down. I could barely hold my head up and sometimes could barely get out of bed. There were days I cried all day. I felt I was disappointing God. Why didn't I just leave? I really felt God had put me there and I was hoping to be used of Him for however long I could endure. I was mostly alone. My one friend that I had left at the church was driven out. I was afraid to talk to anyone, even those who had been my friends long before any of us joined this church. Most people were afraid to speak to me. So I held on too tight. I didn't let anyone in. I appeared rigid, unfriendly, unapproachable and disapproving. I held my head too high. I shut down my listener. I autopiloted my way through. That was all  ongoing for a couple of years before the meeting above. After that, this man and I did have a Matthew 18:15 meeting. (Look it up) I was physically afraid but scripture says go tell him his fault and I did. I cried the snotty, ugly cry through the whole thing but I got through it. And it made him feel powerful because everyone knows I don't cry in public so I had no power there. But still,  I hoped it was getting better. The first change I noticed was not good. He began calling me "Miss Donna." (I'm older than him by 3 years, I think) Soon, everyone was calling me "Miss Donna" and I felt old and useless. So,  it was not going to get better. And it didn't. I stayed for another year, believe it or not, and then I resigned and not a day too soon. In months the walls of everything came crumbling down around the man. At least that's what I thought had happened. But sometimes, evil is allowed to flourish. I did not remain silent. But I also didn't tell anyone else's story. I only told my story to those who asked. No one cared, really. People called, but most didn't care what happened to me. They wanted gossip. So where is the good in all of that? Well, there is no good in all of that. Scripture says: 

"And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I loved God and was called. But there is one thing it doesn't say. It doesn't say "all things work together for good RIGHT NOW." I prayed and I waited. And I hurt. I couldn't walk in a church without fleeing and having an anxiety attack. No pastor would I trust. I was raw. And my Church family was hurting too, over different things. They couldn't be there for me even had they wanted to. We all sat and licked our wounds in separate corners. It was worse for them because the confusion continued for them. Tragic. Inexcusable. Yet still, forgivable. 

Why did I tell you all of that in such detail? First, God "sends" me so many people who have similar stories. I want you to know you aren't alone. I sat in a lecture recently on kinds of abuse and part of the lecture was on Spiritual Abuse. Yet, it was brushed right over and most knew nothing about it. So I can help there. I know. And with knowledge comes responsibility. And I want you to know there is healing. I want you to know that neither God nor his Word ever changes. When He says He will never leave you or forsake you, you can be sure of it, even if you can't imagine it or feel it in the moment. God has chosen to use people to do His work here on Earth and as it turns out, we are a mess! None of us is perfect. Not a single one. And God desires to have a personal relationship even with those who struggle with doing the right thing. Because there is forgiveness for everyone. And as I remind myself of that, I want to remind you of that too. No matter which end of those stories you may relate to.
"If we confess our sin He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 1 Chronicles 7:14. 

"Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sin is proclaimed to you." Acts 13:38

Second, there is power in bringing things to light. It's therapeutic. It's healing and it's also important not to sit by and allow evil to prevail. If you have a story, tell it. But tell the whole story. Not just the bad parts or just the good parts. Scripture says that what is done in the dark will come to the light. I pray that I am a light and that I am transparent. I don't claim perfection.

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." Luke 8:17. 

"For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." Mark 4:22

(These are both the same story. It's important enough to be listed in two of the Gospels. Don't put your light under the bed y'all!)

Third, I want you to see the pattern of abuse. It's not special. I wasn't special. It's as old as time. It's textbook. But I couldn't see it from the bottom of my pit at the time. If it resonates with something inside you, I beg you to do something about it. Reach out to me. I will help you get help. I know people. They can help. Because you should know, you probably weren't the first. I wasn't. I was pretty far down a list.. I pray that he has gotten some good help. I pray there has been repentance and restoration of relationships. I pray that the cycle ended. As you can see, I pray for this person. First, because scripture says to, second, because it's healing for me and lastly, there is a long history in scripture of imprecatory prayer that turned into real, honest forgiveness. Here are a few books that can help you in identifying and overcoming Spiritual Abuse. They were helpful to me. They aren't theology books, but still good reads.

And the final thoughts are these. I have not been left nor forsaken by my God, not even in the darkest of days. I have found ways to continue doing what God has called me to do. In places and ways I never even imagined or dreamed. I am able to understand the abused in ways I could not before. Walking in someone's shoes is not imperative for understanding, but it does not hurt at all and it sure helps to have empathy. And we have been able to go to a church service without fear, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks or running out. Because I am loved. I am precious to God. He has sent people into my life in surprising ways to minister to me. This was new for me. I'm used to being the one people go to. He has shown himself faithful. I am still in the struggle with my weight. We are not friends. I turned 50 recently and it really helped me focus on what is important. Christ and Him crucified. That's what I want to be my focus from now on. I want to hear well done. I don't want to even smell of smoke!

I'm going to give the last words to Kristine, taken from her blog. Because it's beautiful.
"Dear friends, I know I probably have offended some of you by this post.  I am very sorry that was not my intention, at all.  However, I felt very strongly that this needed to be said.  If you are one who is in my shoes, who feels unlovable because of the way you look or how you have performed know that you are loved.    Please know that God's love for you is not dependent upon anything you do, on how well you talk, or what you look like.  God's love is not based on anything you can do or be.  God loves you because you are His creation.  God loves you inexplicably and completely.  I will be praying that you will feel His love tonight. -Kristine

Avoiding Social Media Nonsense

Ten year old Donna could never have even imagined the world we live in today. Such innocent times I grew up in. I grew up with no car seat, often nekkid in a creek, running a Girl Scout Cookie Mafia, going to church, visiting family and their churches, swimming, catching my own bait and fishing, living on a dirt road "exploring," talking, riding bikes, being tortured by my little sister, conspiring against her with my cousin, talking, singing, singing in any church I could, digging holes and getting in trouble for it. (Turns out, adults don't appreciate a proper hole in their roads...something about shocks and u-joints or something.)We spent our weekends at the deer camp (usually with family) where the children had to be "outside" regardless of the temperature or weather patterns, on a deer stand or at the rifle range. It was a time before many of the conveniences and technologies of today. I was just myself because I didn't know I could be anyone else, nor could I have even begun to imagine how one would do that or why? What you saw was what you got. Not a single person on this planet (except for my Grannies and my Pawpaw) hung on my every word and no one asked to see a picture of what my Mama cooked up for supper. (At our house we had supper, not dinner. That was for high fa-looting city people.) People in my very small world knew the real me. My likes, my dislikes, my faith and how I wore my hair every day. They knew that I was never still and that I was a talker. When I got a new toy, I told everyone I knew and they knew what it looked like because they had one too. If I was excited, I was excited!!! Everywhere!

 I grew up in a time where my Daddy's policy was "What everyone else thinks about me is none of my business." He was always himself. Always. Everywhere. All day. Every day. While I didn't go to work with him, I was often surrounded and loved by those he worked with. I heard their stories. Don't like him? He didn't care. He was a hard working, well respected and honorable man. His word was good and his handshake was as good as his word. For reals. He was always the same person. The light he shined was "man's man." No shadows.

Fast forward a few...lot...of years. We now live in a world where you can be anything you want to be. Maybe not in real life, but in the online world you can create an image that may or may not be the real you. There are entire virtual worlds dedicated to allowing people to be someone else. Not satisfied with who you really are? No problem. You are not bound by your looks, your weight, your job or economic status. You can role play online and make a virtual "who you wish you were" and get a second life or whatever is popular now.

We also have bunches of social media sites where we have "friends" or "followers" or what have you.. Many of them are very popular, there are new ones every day. and much like being seen on the the nerd side of Sonic, heaven forbid you get caught logging into one who's "out." I have an account on most of them and check in every now and then. As a parent, it's my responsibility to stalk my children and to know where they hang out, even online. Also, I'm a people-ish person. I like to keep up.

Lately, I've become convicted about something and I thought I'd share it with you. Here's my first huge realization: I choose the light I shine before this world. My real world AND also my online world.

As a child, my life was one big open life. As modern adults, we compartmentalize our worlds (home, neighborhood, work, church, weekends, hobbies, spare time, etc.)We really don't mix it up much anymore, at least not in my 'burb. We have different people who see and participate in different areas of life. So very few people really, really know me these days and that is hard. Especially when your opinion of me is not the same as my opinion of me.  I believe that I choose who you think I am, what you think I do, where you think I go, what I want you to think my passions and hobbies are and how much about my life you get to know. I can choose to weight it any way I choose.

There's another thing I noticed the other day while perusing Facebook, I noticed that what I think of many people is largely determined by what they post and the frequency and weight they give their "stuff." For example, there are people I truly assume just sit in their house watching "Duck Dynasty" all day. Do they sleep? I don't know. There are people I mistakenly believe live and die for the product they are selling. There are some who I believe live in utter despair because that's what they share with me. There are people who are grandparents and that is all they are anymore. There are runners, gossips, drinkers, crafters, knitters, potty-mouths, brainiacs, funny people, people of faith, people of no faith, pet people, dieters, complainers, scripture quoters, sad people, perpetually happy people, parents, artists, preachers, students...you get the gist. But in my mind, they are very one dimensional. I only know of them what they choose for me to know.

Which led to my second revelation: I only control what they see, I don't control their opinion of me. I control the flashlight but I can't control the shadows that are cast. I can minimize the negative that is out there by being very careful what I share publicly.

To most of my "friends," I am one dimensional. If you only know me online, you know I have a twisted sense of humor, have puppies and have no problem being a ridiculous person on this planet. You know that I'm a Longhorn fan. You know I say I love Jesus, but you can't know if I walk the walk. You know I love people, and their kids and grandkids. I love their pictures. You also know I'm married to Mr. Perfect. I'm almost never publicly down, a few organizations that I'm passionate about and some authors I follow. You know I'm sassy and I don't generally use foul language. You will know that I have kids. You might know their ages or have see their pictures.  But that's about it.

If we attend church together, and we "chat" for 3 minutes every couple of weeks, if we run into each other on occasion or sometimes end up out with a group together, you will know a bit more. You will know I have a weight problem and that I don't always act like is a problem (trust me, it is) that I used to run a Women's Ministry and you might have noticed I don't drink coffee and have a big Dr. Pepper problem.You might even know the names of my children and that I'm proud of them. You may think that I'm an emotional robot with no feelings. You might assume, based on other people you've known, that I'm judgmental and have never sinned.

 Come a little closer, say if you're someone who is in Bible Study or in a volunteer organization with me. You will know I'm opinionated. Strong willed. Tenacious. That I really work hard to practice what I preach and that I am always at war with my hair. You know that I'm so proud of my babies that I could bust. You know I'm not only a Longhorn fan, but I hate sports on TV. You know I'm endlessly fascinated with what most people consider minutiae. And that I'm still a talker. You will assume that I don't wear my hear on my sleeve, but you'll know that I care about "people."I begin to take on a second dimension and I'm not what you expected.

But if you are one of the few who KNOW me, really know me, you will know so much more. I then become a real girl. You will know that my heart only truly breaks when I think that the heart of God is breaking. You will know that I'm aware that the person guilty of it is often me. You will know my children. You will know that when their hearts break, I've got the car gassed and ready to roll to "handle it" Mama style and I only don't do that because I've been forbidden. You'd know why I'm proud of them. You would know that one of them rarely allows me to speak of him on Facebook because he doesn't think I'm as funny as I think I am. You will know that I am a Longhorn fan because I'm a Longhorn married to a Longhorn and I'm terrified of stadiums because of that one time. You will know that I'm self-conscious. You'll know that I'm not good at showing emotions and I will almost never (only once) lose control of my emotions but they are there and they are strong.You will know that that sassy is sometimes covering up insecurity and that I am often almost eaten alive by those insecurities. You will learn to recognize when I'm NOT saying what I wish I was saying because I am very opinionated and outspoken and sometimes it physically hurts to shut up. You will know I'm learning to keep my mouth shut. Learning. You'll know I rarely suffer fools and generally know how to handle my business because my Daddy raised me not to need anyone. You'll also know that Perfect is my rock and I desperately need him and love him second only to God. You will know that I will walk through hell barefoot to try to drag out one methhead or alcoholic or depressed person or abused child (or almost anyone who need it) with me. You will know that to me they are simply people, just like me. You will know that I'm unshockable. You will feel the mercy. You will know I can't judge. You will know I struggle and come from a family that is no stranger to addiction. You will know my past. You will know that I have a will of iron and a backbone of steel and that if I am crashing, it's a BIG deal. You will know my Mama and my sister. You will also know that I stink at small talk and am almost incapable of it.  Awkwardness and social anxiety runs high in this one. You probably don't understand my fascination with politics and the law but you know I sometimes like to sit in court hearings and trials for no reason. You'll know that the things that terrify me are small to most people and the things that terrify most people usually don't bother me at all. You will know that I'm a loyal friend forever and I've never lost a real friend. You will know that I'm fanatical about knowing and understanding God's Word. I love theology. I love to hang out in the Christian Book Store in the Pastor section. I love Jesus with everything I have every day. You will also know there are dark days where I wish I could stay in bed and there are days filled with pain. You will know that I am actually funny. That I can sing and am a compulsive harmonizer. That I am a frustrating, complicated, beautiful bundle of me. I sin. You will know that I'm a real girl. You will also know that I'm not just a woman AND a broad, I'm also a lady. These are people who don't just "see" my posts. They "see" me and I "see" them. They are relationships sown and watered and cultivated in real live life and over time.

 The point of all of that is this: Don't assume you know people you don't know. Try not to judge them by the small slice of their life you are privy to. They, like you, like me, are so much more. Good and not so good.

Lastly: When you make posts on social media, blogs or whatever, remember that you are heavily influencing what people think of you and for those who aren't in your inner circle, that is the light that will shine brightest. If you are a child of God, please shine your faith the brightest. And if you ever get the feeling that I'm shining anything else brighter than my Savior, call me on it. Because I need you to know that He loves you. That He died for you to save you from a real and actual hell and that I really do, after all these years, believe it with all of my heart. And after that, I really don't care too much what you think of me, It's none of my business.

You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello. (How Donna Got Her Groove Back)

The summer of 2009 was the worst ever in the life of our family. My oldest, firstborn treasure had graduated from high school and an emptier nest was looming when all of a sudden the bottom fell out of life. (I've written about it here and that's all I have to say about it for now.) I had made my entire life parenting these kids and serving in my church and trying to be a good wife. I had loved and parented my children with all of my heart and now one was preparing to go and do the exact thing I had raised her to do...leave us. If you parent well, you parent yourself out of a job. What was I thinking!?! She was ready but none of us was sure if, when it came time to let her go whether I would really be able to do it or not. I had been involved in every area of both of their lives. We had raised them to be godly warrior attack sheep. We had passed to them our faith and they had made it their own. I taught them to do laundry and have kind hearts. But every mother has a fear section of her heart that we don't really talk about. What if these great kids were really just little con artists and would run wild like banshees the first opportunity they got? What if  my babies harmed themselves or made poor decisions? Having children is a risk and hard on your heart. It's not for sissies or the faint of heart.

God and I had a lot of time to communicate that summer and so when it was time to take her off to college, I was able to get in the car, drive down and help move her into her dorm. We were so proud that neither of had a complete nervous breakdown. No tears (that anyone saw.) She was ready to fly! She jumped into college life like she was born to it. A few months in we had out first difficulty. We lost a family member that she loved so very much. I had to break the news to her and she was there and I was here. I had to do it over the phone. I couldn't hold her and cry with her and dry her tears. This is not how parenting is supposed to go. While that loss continues to be an only partially healed wound, I was reminded that God loves my child and has her wrapped up in His wings. He had surrounded her with a new godly family of kids there who helped her get through it when I could not. I grew stronger.

So what's a mom to do when she suddenly has time on her hands. My boy child was still in high school, but let's be honest y'all, girls take up wayyyyy more time and energy than boys. I have always served in Ministry to Women and God opened a door for me to step into the ministry He had been preparing me to do. I always felt I should wait until my babies were grown, and one was there and one was close. So I jumped in. Suddenly life became about everyone else. My time was filled up much more than before. My mind was engaged. I was spending a bit less time on the couch and doing the thing I love. Ministering to my sisters in Christ and leading or participating in Bible Study. Ashley was always surprised when she would call me and I had to return her call because I was busy. She had always come first and I was never too busy for her before! My baby girl would come home on occasion and my heart would soar! For that first semester her leaving to go back to college was bittersweet. I loved hearing about the goodly friends she made and the fun she was having. I thought it was so fun that she was the sweetheart for the music fraternity. I loved that she caught it when a local church did something crazy and she recognized the stink of it and called to ask me about it. I missed her so much and the silence here was deafening! I was used to a loud girl and chaos. My boy, who was a sophomore, is a musician but still manages to be very quiet. (Solution: Drums for Christmas for Tyler. For reals.)

But here's the good news. After a month home for Christmas, I was ready for her to go back and so was she. I loved having her home but letting her go was pretty easy. God had been slowly filling me up and holding me just like he promised and she had become a beautiful butterfly who didn't need us much. She had grown up into the beautiful woman of God we knew she would be. She was not just OK, she was thriving and I was serving and learning.

Then the summer of 2012 rolled around. NOT MY BABY BOY! He's all I've got left. I still haven't figured him all the way out so I can't be finished parenting him. I just don't think I will allow this to happen. I had seen so many signs that he was ready to go. He had participated in a mission trip with our church and his father and we had all gotten a glimpse of the mighty mountain of God he was becoming. He is quiet but mature and wise beyond his years. He was born a 40 year old man so he was ready. Responsible is this child's middle name. He had decided where he was going to college and done what he needed to do to have easy admission and so I had no choice but to let him go. He was ready to fly. It was hard. He had chosen to go to our alma mater, the University of Texas in Austin. It's a hard place to be a person of faith. But God has been working there and preparing for him. (That's right...I believe that all of the godly ground made in Austin has been laid just in preparation for my baby boy...and others of course. That's what I'm telling myself. In the last twenty something years, He has MOVED INTO Austin and claimed some serious ground. That was not true when we were there.) He found a great church with a great college ministry. He met with a man who mentored freshman boys. He had the opportunity to serve in leadership at the BSM and he got to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica. This boy walked into the ungodliest place in Texas and started ministry. Those of us here who poured into him are so proud. I was terrified that Austin would chew him up and spit him out. Nope. Not happening to God's quietest and gentlest warrior.

The second child leaving is a teeny bit easier than the first, but the fact that he's the last sort of evens the pain of loss. I bounced back a little faster. I now had both children out of the house and I was still serving in a ministry that I loved. I won't lie though, if you enter ministry, you better buckle up. It won't always be pretty. But it WILL always be blessed, no matter how it feels. For the first time in my adult life, I had no babies in the house. No one here but my husband, Mr. Perfect, me and our ill and aging dogs. To be fair, they were the children's dogs and it seemed they decided to expire when their babies were grown. I clung to those dogs like a life raft. They represented so much to me. The childhood of my children and 11 years of great memories. I literally felt that I was breathing for them. A part time volunteer ministry takes time but not really all that much and I had a lot of free time to love on them. And as they faded, I found I missed my babies less and less. The babies, on the other hand were having a ball! They were thriving. They were happy. The world had not corrupted them. I was able to serve in the ministry I had been in many ways training for all my life. Life was going to be OK. But I was still spending most of my time on the couch...and it showed. (Still does. Working on that.)

In December, I got an "opportunity" to serve my community for the next 6 months. I couldn't turn it down. I was so excited I could barely contain myself until it began in January. I have spent so much time in the towns around where I live, I didn't know many people in my own town. Nor did I have any idea what we had going on. I spent the next 6 months serving with people who treated me with respect and dignity. I discovered that I still had a brain and it still functioned. If you've ever been a stay at home mom, you know it atrophies the brain. I began to learn of fun and sometimes educational events and opportunities in my own town. I also found that once again God had been looking out and preparing me. You see, a long time ago (1996) I learned about guardian-ad-litems from watching a TV show. I promised myself I would look into that when my babies were grown and I had the time. I felt it would be in the best interest of us all not to have my time split. But I am not really a kid person. I don't feel the need to hug and squeeze babies. I will walk into battle with the meanest adult, stand on stage and sing in front of anyone but 2 and 3 year olds terrify me! I wasn't sure it was going to be a fit. However, about 2003 I met a new friend that I loved instantly. She is an attorney-ad-litem and she is a WARRIOR for her clients but she doesn't feel the need to pinch cheeks either. Without words, she encouraged me gave me hope that maybe someone with my personality could still be useful there. In November of 2012, shortly after my son left for college, I told my husband it was time to look into it. Shortly after that I sent an email requesting information. I received no reply. OK Lord, we will wait. On my 6 month team, I discovered two wonderful ladies who were volunteers with CASA. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocates. They are guardian ad litems. God had placed these two in a room with me once a week for six months and had given me the opportunity to ask all my questions to several of their best and brightest. But please catch this, it was MONTHS AFTER I had decided to jump in. He knew they were coming for me. Months after my original inquiry I received an apology from their headquarters stating they had had email issues. SO I rolled the ball. I went through the training and I received my first case and my second one. I absolutely love this organization and I believe in it. I believe it is the literal meaning of "true religion." 

James 1:27 says "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

The children represented by CASA are not all orphans but they were all living in terrible conditions. I can stand up for them and look out for their best interests. I also get to help their parents on the pathway to being better parents so maybe, just maybe their children can be best served in their own family. And I can minister in different way than I do in the church. It is stretching me. 

About this same time I discovered Dr. Oz's Arthritis Cure. While it isn't a cure, it has given me a new lease on life. I have mostly pain free days most of the time. 

With no children at home, vastly improved pain issues and a life full of service, I discovered the beauty of a life after babies. I no longer miss them terribly. Letting them go allowed me to step into the ministry God had waiting for me and allowed them to grow to maturity in His way. I've dedicated my life to serving in God's Church. I know He's called me to the Church. I have loved it and have been privileged to serve Him in Ministry to Women. I will always serve in that capacity in one way or another, I always have. My time in that particular church ministry has ended for now. I am grateful for lessons learned, some the easy way and some the hard way. (There are a few lessons I'm still working on being grateful for, but I'll get there.)  I believe that God used that ministry to make huge differences in our church. I believed He used it as one mighty form of discipleship and I've been privileged to watch many women blossom with new understanding of His Word. I've cried with many of them during times of terrible pain and sadness and also times of great joy! I've watched Him step in when words failed me. I've watched the worst thing I could imagine happen to people. I've seen some fly and some fail in those difficulties. What a privilege to get to serve others in this way. For sure, its not for everyone. That's why they call it a "calling." There's an old seminary saying that applies here: "If you can do anything at all but preach  boy, do that!" I really can't do anything other than minister to the wounded and hurting and make disciples. No matter what I intend to do, that's where I find myself.

So I once again have time on my hands. I'm excited to find ways to fill it. I'm excited to figure out where God is leading. I'm serving Him outside of the church and I will follow Him to the new ways to serve Him inside the Church too, if that's where He leads. I believe it will. It always has. But please know, there is life after children. I couldn't have imagined it 5 years ago. Now we can do anything we want. We can go to the movies on Tuesday evening...and sometimes do. Every Saturday night is date night no matter what the children are doing because they aren't here. That man I married still has it going on! We can get in the car and go should we desire. We can eat out a lot and still spend less money than home cooking for four. We can spoil our new puppies like crazy people. Who's here to tell on us? Our time is our own for the first time in 23 years.  I had figured I would sit around and cry until the grand babies came but let's be honest, that's not my style. Ashley has graduated with honors and is beginning graduate school in a few days. My baby boy was home for the summer and just left to start his second (but technically junior) year. I couldn't be prouder but no longer is their life, my life. As it should be. 

Still Putting Up With Nonsense

Wisdom from this old woman: Sometimes we are fickle, fickle people. Sometimes people won't like you. Sometimes you will spend years giving to people content to take. Sometimes you will listen to the troubles of people who are at the bottom of life till your ears bleed and when you try to give them words of life, they will slap you in the face. There will be times when you try to help and they will want not only what you gave but what you kept. There will be people who say things about you that aren't true. There will be times some of these people will try to destroy your character. But here's the deal. SO WHAT? You live your life for Christ. You comport yourself in such a manner that anyone who's paying attention will know that lies aren't the truth. You don't exist to please man. You will go crazy trying. You minister to "the least of these" because your Savior told you to do so, not for accolades here on Earth. When those who hurt you come running back for help that you are able to give, what should you do if you are hurt or tired or DONE? Help them anyway. Don't hold grudges. Let it go. Be generous and kind anyway. You will be taken advantage of again. So what. The blessing will still be the same. Jesus reminds me daily that it doesn't matter what I think of people. They are His and He loves them and so should I. Period

There does come a time when, the words of Matthew 10:14 come into play. Just be sure that the conviction comes from the right place. "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. " I can only do that when I have peace. Until I have peace, I'm still there. Even if it hurts.

Time to re-visit the Easter Circus!

It's getting close to Easter. The time of year where Christians pause to remember the death of our Savior and praise Him for the sacrifice. We are humbled by the price paid to redeem our souls from hell. We spend time in meditation thinking about the heart of a Father that would sacrifice His only son for such unworthy beings. This is the holiest of all of our Christian holy days. Without Easter, there would be no reason for any of the rest. Or a Church. Or anything else in Christendom.

So why do we also cheapen it with taking as much "Church" out of church as we can, dumb down our messages that day or use it as an excuse to inflate our rolls (remember "Great Day in the Morning," Southern Baptist Church Growth Movement?) I've been disturbed by what I refer to as the "Easter Circus" for many years. So this week, I thought I would re-post a couple of my Easter posts. Be warned, they are a bit rant-y. I intended to go back and edit these but that hasn't happened yet (because I up and got myself a life. More on that later.)

This first post is from way back in 2009. This is not about any one local church and more about the universal Church. I love the Church, I love MY church, God has called me to the Church, I serve in a Church (that has changed since the original was written, you may notice) I am not attacking the church in any way, but I do feel the need to sound the alarm: CHURCH, WAKE UP!

Rants...Easter Circus...Rant...Regenerate Membership- After rereading this there is so much more I'd like to say. Some of the ideas need to be better fleshed out and better explained, such as "hospital for sinners not haven for saints." I will probably re-write this one some day soon, but for now, if you know me and know my heart, you'll understand it.

Disclaimer: The usual disclaimer also fits here. These rants are my own, the opinions are my own and may or may not reflect the feelings of Mr. Perfect. Please don't hold him responsible or accountable for the opinions of his saucy, spicy, super cute, "question-asking-tell-it-like-it-is, strong-warrior-woman, stream-of-consciousness-blogger for Jesus" wife.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 2013!!!

Happy 2013!! 

It's January 1st  (or probably 2nd by the time I get this posted) and time to say hello to you guys. A very cool thing has been happening. The blog has developed quite an international following and I've been super curious who you all are. Lots of you in Russia, Israel and Italy. Several from Australia, Germany, Slovakia and the UK. Even more than a few from Canada, Vietnam, France, Ukraine and Poland, just to name a few. Of course I cherish and treasure you precious fellow Americans and I have an extra dash of "yee-haw" for my fellow Texans. If you have a few minutes, I'd love to hear from you. Introduce yourself. To help you know a little about me (if you haven't gleaned all of this by now) I'll give you a brief introduction.

I'm Donna. I'm a woman of a certain age, and a recent empty-nester. My oldest child is in her last semester of college and will soon graduate and go on to graduate school. She's beautiful, kind-hearted, and smart and all of those things a mom would think of her baby girl. They also happen to all be true. My youngest, my baby boy, is a freshman in college this year. He's cool and quiet (reserved, is a better word, I guess,) musical, intelligent and tenderhearted. I'd say more but he prefers to remain humble. I've been married for 23 years to Mr. Perfect. To me, he's super hot! He's a godly man and I love him with all my heart. For some reason he puts up with me and loves me well. ( I've included a few pictures of my "babies" and my man.) 

(Waiting at the doctor's office. They love each other enough to sit through the nightmare of a waiting room.)

I've been leading the Women's Ministry at my church, Pin Oaks Christian Fellowship, in the small town of Anna, TX for the last 2 years, almost exactly to the day. I had no idea what that would look like when I said yes, but I love it! It's the hardest, most heartbreaking and most rewarding thing I've ever done. To follow your calling is not an easy path, but there is much peace in knowing you're following God's path for you. I get to go to Bible Study, talk to people about Jesus, be an un-official life coach and   "go to lunch" or "coffee" and call it my "job." I don't even like coffee, but I am all about some hot chocolate!

I love Jesus with all of my heart. I'd love for you to have a personal relationship with my Savior, who not only died for my sin but for yours too. He is the son of God. He was crucified for our sin and raised from the dead three days later. That is the most amazing story every told. I'm constantly amazed at the depravity of humanity yet His love for us in never changing. We can never go too far. There is no sin too great for his forgiveness. No soul too sinful for salvation. So I'll leave you with this scripture from God's Word. I hope it speaks to you today. Now, who are you? Yes...I mean you. Leave me a comment. I look forward to it!

 "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 4: 16-18

Rants...Easter Circus...rant...regenerate membership

You know I've been concerned about the state of the church for a long time. I've written about it very vaguely and not specifically because there are a lot of places you can read about statistics and churchy stuff and if you look at what is happening to some of our denominations, you might be surprised. I don't get into theology and doctrine here because there are so many others out there doing a great job of it. Trust me, while I love this stuff, I'm not qualified to be a "theology" blogger. I'm a "question-asking-tell-it-like-it-is, strong-warrior-woman, stream-of-consciousness-blogger for Jesus." I don't think this makes me worthless to the kingdom. I am about as conservative in my understanding on women in ministry as you can get, or so I thought. More on that a little later.



***Note: I'm going to talk to the church here. If you're not a member of "the body" I'm going to politely ask you to close your eyes and hit the X . Thank you. I'm talking about the "SBC church universal" not necessarily my local church, so if you are reading this and getting huffy, ask yourself if your local body could be a bit guilty. The SBC is all I know, so I can only speak on it and not other denominations. Some of them go too far the other way. There is also much more good than bad, I believe, but this isn't a post about the good. But I defend them, ask anyone.***



Mr.Perfect is constantly telling me that just because I have something to say doesn't mean anyone wants to hear it. He's right 99.3% of the time (the other .7% is when he disagrees with me.) So I've been making a concerted effort to keep the majority of my concerns to myself. I think this is giving me an ulcer, and making me cranky and frowny. I never know who reads this so I have in the past been very careful what I say so as not to offend anyone. If you know me well, you know that offending people is one of my spiritual gifts (I'm kidding, don't get offended.) It is never my intention to offend anyone but sometimes being "plain-spoken" is offensive. I think being purposely offensive and mean is wrong. So I am truly not trying to offend you but I think the following needs to be said. I was hoping someone else would say it for me, but it looks like it's gonna be me. (Of course.)



CHURCH, FOR REALS? WAKE UP!

1) We seem to be mostly concerned with how many butts are in the seats and on the rolls. The Southern Baptist Church (my people) are very proud that they are a body of churches with a regenerate membership, yet many of those believers can't be found. We keep them on the rolls forever, whether we've seen them in 20 years or not. Some of them we see the day we dunk 'em and not again until we plant 'em. This keeps our numbers up. Does Jesus care if we are the largest denomination? We like to make mega-churches that are full of pastor worshipping people. Because some of our churches are personality driven, not Word driven, we can have a dunk 'em and ditch 'em mentality. The thought at those churches is that there is no need for discipleship other than the preaching because a) only the pastor can be trusted to know the Word well enough to teach it and b) we can't ask people to give their time to come to church and learn the Word, they are too busy these days. I call foul!



2) We call ourselves New Testament churches. The New Testament church (correct me if I'm wrong) was a church of believers. It was a tough time for believers, but the church (body not fabulous building) was their home. We've become more concerned with being sure that the unbeliever is at home and comfortable in our buildings than making a home of any kind for believers. The unbeliever should always be welcome (not in leadership...I can't believe I have to mention that) but never comfortable! If I hear one more time that the church is "a haven (or hospital) for sinners NOT a home for saints" my head just might explode!!



3) The Holy Spirit doesn't need us to throw a circus for Him to be able to do His job. Did your church have a (figurative) circus for Easter? Did you hire (figurative) clowns and(figurative) tight rope walkers to come? Did you have the Easter bunny come out and hide eggs so that the "lost" will come and bring their children... so then you can sneak up behind them with a pool of water and dunk em? OK, admittedly that's a little extreme. But how far is too far? Is paying $100 to the church member who brings the most visitors going too far? Is giving a gift to everyone who comes to your church going to far? Is paying people $10 per hour to attend your church going too far? I wonder how churches survived before they discovered the "seeker" model?



4) Women are precious to Jesus. They seem to be less precious as leaders to the SBC. I don't believe women should be pastors. I feel the Word is clear about that. I struggled with having a woman as worship leader and one of my dearest friends is one...kind of. Because she's in a SBC church, she does all the work of a worship leader. She has more musical talent than the rest of her church all combined, but she isn't allowed to be called staff or even have the title "Worship Leader." Her ministry has no input when plans are being shaped. She has a whole lot of responsibility but no authority. Men in her position are staff.



5) No one ministers to women like another woman. I believe that it is a very specific and God-called ministry. In the past 14 years this is where I spent the majority of my time. I've noticed a trend. If you feel God has called you to be a Women's Ministry Leader and your husband is not in ministry you will likely have a hard time. I suppose God only calls people to ministry in pairs. I've witnessed this several times now personally and so I did a little research. There is a feeling among some Pastors that only women who have a "quiet and gentle spirit" are fit to serve. I wonder if this is because if you're a meek and mild mouse you will just do as told and not make any waves or ask any questions? If you are a "question-asking-tell-it-like-it-is, strong-warrior woman for Jesus" you may be feeling like a heathen headed for hell because of your personality. This has been true for me, but it's also true for many others. Jesus sure seemed to have a different attitude toward women than many churches.



I have more to say, but this seems like a good stopping point. If you're offended, please leave me a comment and give me some insight. I'd love to have some understanding of the "why" or some scriptural backup for any of it. I'm that cranky old man and I'm tired of all this junk on my lawn! And, reluctantly, because of all this and the fact that being frowny makes wrinkles, I must put my beloved SBC ON NOTICE! (I'm sure other denominations are on notice too, but I don't have first hand knowledge and this was family business.)

The Dream...church...Team!

Last year I was teaching in the youth ministry at church. I was also thinking, I am so fed up with foolishness that I think I will start my own church. (Sorry Wes, I guess this is what I do when I should have been paying attention. My bad.)

We will do things God's way! We will not care what cool new program is "in" right now or what the trends or statistics say. We will ask the Lord for guidance and we will obediently follow. We will not have a CEO or "hatchet person." We will treat God's people with dignity and respect. If you say God is speaking to you, you better not contradict scripture. We will not even hear a "that's not my calling," or "I've done my time." And we will never, ever, have someone tell you where to park. I believe if you can drive, you know what the stripes are for.

I looked around me and I realized that I had almost everyone I needed right there in front of me. Somehow, I feel God had put the best of the best in that ministry at that time. So I will import one family full of foolishness hating folks and here is a new virtual church! Woo Hoo. Of course we can't ever meet or "do church" because we are all people and with people comes foolishness. But just imagine... It should be noted that I don't hate my own foolishness. Only the foolishness of those who don't amuse me. At least I'm honest. So here is our church staff line up. (Not in order of importance.)Tell me what you think.

Pastor- Wes: I know he's a youth minister, but he will be a pastor someday. He will be a pastor who is a shepherd. He truly cares about his people. I believe that he will put together some amazing, dynamic, challenging messages that will make you think Jesus is in the room. He is going to have to have a few more kids because I believe you have to have at least 5 to qualify as a pastor. Maybe you can adopt a few from China. They have a bunch extra and Terry won't let me have one. My friend Laura can help you with information. But I digress...

Associate Pastor or "Jesus Police"- Tyler : We all know the boy is going to "make a preacher" some day. I want his mentors to be the best, so we are starting him out early. He will spend a lot of time like Jesus did when he was a boy. He will be asking everyone challenging spiritual and theological questions. This will keep us all on our toes. However, for now, he is the Jesus Police. He will go around asking people : "Why is that movie OK for you to watch if it isn't OK for your kids?" He will also be in charge of making sure the schedule stays on schedule. You can't mess with that boy's schedule.

Youth Minister- Marcus: He is a youth minister called to youth ministry. I really believe it is its own special calling. He will teach the kids Jesus, make disciples, witness to the lost and throw an occasional pie or roll of toilet paper. Whichever the situation warrants. He will also let the rest of us spend some time in youth because we love it and for most of us, this is our behavior level. I didn't put Wes here, because I already made him pastor and I don't think he'll have time for two jobs, but he can come in any time, I'm sure.

Music : Tricia and Donna: Trisha will be in charge. I am not in her league. She is amazingly talented. The woman can sing and play! She also can do it all while making a lung and a foot and a brain. I'm pretty sure she could also throw a roll of toilet paper at the same time. I decided to put myself here as second in command because: 1) I made the list and 2) I will be in charge of old fogey music. The music most of you don't like, but you would if you ever read and digested the words. That's right. We will sing some hymns. Then we will live them out. We will not only sing hymns, we will sing praise music, worship music, old music, new music, and if we need to, we will sing no music. On occasion, we might need to get "back to the heart of worship."

Men's ministry- Chip: I imported him and his family. We need them. Chip is a wise man of God. He is a "man's man." Plus he is an amazing golfer. You know you can't have a men's ministry without a golf tournament. It simply isn't done. I think he will be great at growing men into "God's Men!!"

Women's Ministry-Me: I am so excited about my pretend ministry!

Administrator- Terry: We are going to take advantage of his financial education and non-profit experience. This job is perfect for him. He once was almost sure this was where God was calling him, but then he decided it was not. Maybe God will call him to the pretend church. There will be no financial foolishness when Terry is on the case. A plus is that we will have the cutest administrator in fake land.

Education Minister- Frank & Kristin: I put them both here because they are specially suited and it's a big job. Frank will be writing a lot of our discipleship material and so will Kristin. They are both smart, witty, and talented. They will be overseeing everything that falls under adult discipleship.

Pre-School & Children's Minister- Laura and the kids: Sorry, Laura. I know you thought you had moved out of this role, but you have experience and you're really good at it. The girls will help out a lot as will the boys. This is a godly woman, married to Chip, who will be sure our littlest ones (remember, there are babies and potential babies everywhere) are taught about Jesus. She will rock them and tell them Jesus loves them. She will organize the workers like no one else but Marcus could do. She will make sure people show up.

Whatever she wants- Elisha: She has earned the right to do whatever she wants. She can hang out with youth, teach kids, be the secretary or rest...whatever.

I think this is a good start. There are a few holes. If you think we should move someone around, let me know. I'm sorry, you will not be able to refuse your virtual position. It is pretend, after all.