Saturday, August 23, 2008


Last year I was teaching in the youth ministry at church. I was also thinking, I am so fed up with foolishness that I think I will start my own church. (Sorry Wes, I guess this is what I do when I should have been paying attention. My bad.)

We will do things God's way! We will not care what cool new program is "in" right now or what the trends or statistics say. We will ask the Lord for guidance and we will obediently follow. We will not have a CEO or "hatchet person." We will treat God's people with dignity and respect. If you say God is speaking to you, you better not contradict scripture. We will not even hear a "that's not my calling," or "I've done my time." And we will never, ever, have someone tell you where to park. I believe if you can drive, you know what the stripes are for.

I looked around me and I realized that I had almost everyone I needed right there in front of me. Somehow, I feel God had put the best of the best in that ministry at that time. So I will import one family full of foolishness hating folks and here is a new virtual church! Woo Hoo. Of course we can't ever meet or "do church" because we are all people and with people comes foolishness. But just imagine... It should be noted that I don't hate my own foolishness. Only the foolishness of those who don't amuse me. At least I'm honest. So here is our church staff line up. (Not in order of importance.)Tell me what you think.

Pastor- Wes: I know he's a youth minister, but he will be a pastor someday. He will be a pastor who is a shepherd. He truly cares about his people. I believe that he will put together some amazing, dynamic, challenging messages that will make you think Jesus is in the room. He is going to have to have a few more kids because I believe you have to have at least 5 to qualify as a pastor. Maybe you can adopt a few from China. They have a bunch extra and Terry won't let me have one. My friend Laura can help you with information. But I digress...

Associate Pastor or "Jesus Police"- Tyler : We all know the boy is going to "make a preacher" some day. I want his mentors to be the best, so we are starting him out early. He will spend a lot of time like Jesus did when he was a boy. He will be asking everyone challenging spiritual and theological questions. This will keep us all on our toes. However, for now, he is the Jesus Police. He will go around asking people : "Why is that movie OK for you to watch if it isn't OK for your kids?" He will also be in charge of making sure the schedule stays on schedule. You can't mess with that boy's schedule.

Youth Minister- Marcus: He is a youth minister called to youth ministry. I really believe it is its own special calling. He will teach the kids Jesus, make disciples, witness to the lost and throw an occasional pie or roll of toilet paper. Whichever the situation warrants. He will also let the rest of us spend some time in youth because we love it and for most of us, this is our behavior level. I didn't put Wes here, because I already made him pastor and I don't think he'll have time for two jobs, but he can come in any time, I'm sure.

Music : Tricia and Donna: Trisha will be in charge. I am not in her league. She is amazingly talented. The woman can sing and play! She also can do it all while making a lung and a foot and a brain. I'm pretty sure she could also throw a roll of toilet paper at the same time. I decided to put myself here as second in command because: 1) I made the list and 2) I will be in charge of old fogey music. The music most of you don't like, but you would if you ever read and digested the words. That's right. We will sing some hymns. Then we will live them out. We will not only sing hymns, we will sing praise music, worship music, old music, new music, and if we need to, we will sing no music. On occasion, we might need to get "back to the heart of worship."

Men's ministry- Chip: I imported him and his family. We need them. Chip is a wise man of God. He is a "man's man." Plus he is an amazing golfer. You know you can't have a men's ministry without a golf tournament. It simply isn't done. I think he will be great at growing men into "God's Men!!"

Women's Ministry-Me: I am so excited about my pretend ministry!

Administrator- Terry: We are going to take advantage of his financial education and non-profit experience. This job is perfect for him. He once was almost sure this was where God was calling him, but then he decided it was not. Maybe God will call him to the pretend church. There will be no financial foolishness when Terry is on the case. A plus is that we will have the cutest administrator in fake land.

Education Minister- Frank & Kristin: I put them both here because they are specially suited and it's a big job. Frank will be writing a lot of our discipleship material and so will Kristin. They are both smart, witty, and talented. They will be overseeing everything that falls under adult discipleship.

Pre-School & Children's Minister- Laura and the kids: Sorry, Laura. I know you thought you had moved out of this role, but you have experience and you're really good at it. The girls will help out a lot as will the boys. This is a godly woman, married to Chip, who will be sure our littlest ones (remember, there are babies and potential babies everywhere) are taught about Jesus. She will rock them and tell them Jesus loves them. She will organize the workers like no one else but Marcus could do. She will make sure people show up.

Whatever she wants- Elisha: She has earned the right to do whatever she wants. She can hang out with youth, teach kids, be the secretary or rest...whatever.

I think this is a good start. There are a few holes. If you think we should move someone around, let me know. I'm sorry, you will not be able to refuse your virtual position. It is pretend, after all.

1 comment:

Donna Lawson said...

After attempting to do Tricia's job on a much maller scale, I officially resign from the imaginary church music minister position and leave it to Tricia. I'll stick with the Women's Ministry. It's what I love the most anyway.